At least it sometimes seems like it. Both of them stopped napping before they were three. Going to bed is a major process and event. I've given up using any one method and just try to use what works on any given night. Sometimes not much works.
Tonight I started putting H down at 7:00. He was deeply involved in some imaginative play and I disrupted it and made him get ready for bed. He brushed his teeth and then we read two books. After that I lay with him for no longer than ten minutes. Keep in mind this is in a toddler bed. After that I sat in the middle of the room until he went to sleep. I do this every night. I will not talk to him and if he gets out of bed I gently put him back. The only things I will do, if he asks, are cover him up and flip his pillow over. He seems to like the cold side of the pillow. After thinking he was asleep and then waiting a few more minutes, I ducked out and went to the bathroom. To greet me as I'm walking out of the bathroom is J, my husband, with H in his arms. Guess H wasn't asleep enough. Back to the room to sit in the middle of the floor. He fell asleep at 8:45.
I'm guessing that L is still up when I exit H's room and I am correct. She is doing some imaginary play in her room so I leave her for a bit. A few minutes later we negotiate ten more minutes of play including putting all the toys away. She is definitely ready for bed in ten minutes and has already put some toys away. She has also sorted some out for give aways and found some trash. FYI, this NEVER happens. Getting L to give something away or throw something away is about as tough as a really bad steak, well done. After the nightly ritual of what was the worst part of your day and the best part of your day and L's addition of the medium part of your day she went to sleep easily and peacefully at 9:25.
L and H seem to have some of the best parts of their day in the evening. They will be playing beautifully, caught up in an amazing fantasy and I have to go and disrupt it to get them to bed. I hate that. Part of me wants to just let them stay up as long as they want and figure out for themselves when they feel tired. The other part of me thinks that is crazy and that children need guidance as to when their bodies need a rest. I've tried both ways. I think it is really a night to night thing. Some nights, like tonight, L really regulated herself. She was ready to go to bed and welcomed my suggestion of it. H fought me on it and may have just really needed to play some more.
I have friends whose kids go to bed at 6:00 every night and they are older than mine. I also have friends whose kids go to bed at 11:00. I know adults who prefer to go to bed earlier and some who go to bed much later. We all seem to do OK. Is it possible that we are born with a natural rhythm unique to our own person? Is all this trying to get kids asleep a battle that we are fighting to hard to win? What if H and L knew they had a choice tonight regarding when they went to bed? After the novelty of that wore off I wonder if they would just go to bed when they were tired? Is that possibly why some of us can't sleep at night? Have we been conditioned to expect to not be able to go to sleep because we were forced to go to sleep before we were ready? So many questions!
Honestly, I think the main reason I want my children to go to bed is because I need some me time. The secondary reason is that it may be better for them. I am predicting that this will be an ongoing.....not battle, maybe negotiation. L may be ready to stay up later or just having control issues. H seems to still need more help than L. I do need to watch carefully for signs that he needs more wind down time. If he is caught up in fantasy play that may need to run its course before he goes to bed.
So, will relaxing the rules relax the kids?
Love to hear peoples thoughts on all of this.
Sweet Dreams!
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