Tuesday, October 22, 2013

My New Blog Title

So it's been WAY to long since I wrote anything for my blog.  Life got crazy and I used that as an excuse to not write about it.  Thoughts of the blog have been creeping back into my head lately.   Then today a little thing like a Facebook post asking for blogs people wrote brought me back.  
The first thing I noticed when I found my blog, and I was surprised I could even find it, was the title.   It was, I Have No Idea What I'm Doing.  At the time I picked that title I felt I didn't know how to write a blog and wasn't confident of my knowledge of my main topic, homeschooling.  I cringed when I saw that title today!   It really hit me how much I have changed in just the last two years. I've grown older and wiser, had a bit of a spiritual awakening, and have become more confident and accepting of  who I am.   I Have No Idea What I'm Doing.  So not me anymore!  I know what I am doing.  I'm forging a new path in homeschooling.  I'm discovering and learning right alongside my kids.  I'm finding strength I didn't even know I had.  I'm supporting, loving, laughing, crying and even though I don't want to I do yell occasionally.   I am living.  That is exactly what I'm doing right now.
I changed the title to Learning While Doing. I'm not sure if it is what I want to go with but it will do for now.
I am looking forward to sharing my journey of parenting, homeschooling and living.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I like my crazy life. I just wish I wasn't so tired!

I read today what I thought was a great editorial piece. http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/03/21/o.embrace.crazy.chaotic.life/index.html
Then I read all the comments.  I didn't know there were so many parent haters!    I choose to have kids therefore I shouldn't complain?  No kids = no stress?  Deal with it and stop your whining?!  Wow!

We returned from a crazy weekend away yesterday.  My husband was at the NCAA basketball tournament with 11 of his friends and I took the kids up to visit my girlfriend and two kids whose husband had gone as well.  It's an annual thing, I go there one year and the next she and the kids come here.  It makes our husbands feel less guilty though she and I are waiting for the weekend they take care of the four kids for four days while we go off somewhere.  We may have a long wait.  We ate, drank, stayed out too late and spent a lot of money on babysitters.  I'm pretty sure my husband did the same except for the babysitter part.   Yesterday was our trip home.  My husband and I had coordinated flights so that we landed 10 minutes apart thus allowing us to ride the 40 minutes home together.  Lucky us it was the same day that a hurricane hit Los Angeles.  Crazy winds, pounding rain and of course horrible road conditions.  My husband was lucky and was only delayed fifteen minutes coming into the airport.  The kids and I got to circle close by LAX for over an hour due to the weather.  My kids were watching movies on their DVD players and I was sleeping so we were pretty much oblivious to this.  My husband however had to wait at the airport with about a zillion other people for our flight. 
By the time we land it is late afternoon.  We load the luggage, the carseats and the kids into the car, in the driving rain and head home.  We decide that stopping for food on the way home is a good idea because neither my husband nor I want to cook and the kids are hungrey NOW.  They hadn't had anything to eat since lunch because I failed to notice that they had raided the snack portion of their backpacks at some point during the weekend and we had no food or drink service on the airplane due to turbulence.
We arrive at the restaurant in pretty good shape and manage to order food that the kids think they might like.  My son decides he doesn't want anything, not even the applesause.  He has hit the wall and, sorry if this is too much information, he has to poop.  I was aware that this situation may have been brewing because on the descent into LAX he announced in a pretty load voice that he had to do so.  After telling him that we'd land soon he also announced that he'd hold it.  Of course after landing he claimed he didn't have to go anymore.   The great part was that when he actually went he did so in the toilet of the restaurant instead of his pants.  It really is the little things.  After arriving home we somehow managed to unpack and get the kids ready for bed without anyone getting hurt and only minor parental arguing.  This is actually a really big deal  considering just how tired we all were.
Today was a painful reentry into our routine because our routine was pretty much nonexistant.  The kids just wanted to stay at home this morning and then it poured rain again so we didn't go to the park. Instead went to the grocery store which can be, and was for me today, a moms personal hell.  A little fresh air would have done them and me some good because by dinner time I was ready to hand them off to anyone that wanted to take them.  I proadly managed to make it through the day however without losing my temper and even cooked a healthy dinner. 
Yes, my life is crazy.  Did I complain about my day?  YES!   It was my fault for taking the kids out of their routine but that is life and you deal with it.  Should I have not had kids?   I can say with confidence that I am a better person because I have kids.  I don't say I love it because I have to I DO love it.  It is hard but rarely do amazing, wonderful, life changing experiences come easily.   Not every person should have children but it suprises me that they think those that do are idiots.  Do people without children never whine?  I'm pretty sure I've hear some do so.  I'll take a public announcement of pooping, a crazy trip to the grocery store and out of thier head tired kids any day.  It is all worth it when my 3 year old hugs me and tells me he thinks I'm "tuddiful".  That is his code word for wonderful.  To those parent haters I say thank god someone wants to be a parent.  If not who'd have wiped their butt?

Monday, February 28, 2011

I had a great Mommy day today.  I cooked the kids breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry, made lunch for the park and had us all out the door in time for H's Playball class at 10am.  We then spent the rest of the day at the park with many wonderful friends where the kids played for almost five hours and I enjoyed lots of adult conversation.  When arriving home I unloaded the days supplies from the car, got both kids in the bath, cooked homemade minestrone, got the kids ready for bed and cleaned the kitchen all before my husband got home at 6:30.   My husband and I got to sit and chat for twenty minutes while the kids played dinosaurs in L's bedroom.  Twenty minutes!!!   After that everyone participated in the new tradition of ten minutes of cleaning up together at the end of the day, the kids brushed teeth and I read them books.   Both kids were asleep by 8:30.  Whew!
My day today went so well mainly for one reason, my attitude.  And the reason for my attitude is a visit to me by a dear friend this weekend.  It was a visit just to simply spend time with me and my family.  There was no rushing around or sightseeing or showing her things as she used to live here.  The weather was cold and windy so we spent a lot of time inside or close to home.  The kids love her and rightly so.  They enjoyed multiple individual sessions of book reading, play time and cuddles.

Having a friend visit who is also a Mom and loves your kids almost as much as you do is a true blessing.  She gave me a very special gift this weekend and she doesn't even know it.  This weekend I got to see my kids through fresh eyes.  I saw a different approach from someone who isn't burned out on reading Curious George and the Chocolate Factory and doesn't mind spending an hour with L preparing a dance performance to the song 'Chocolate Moose' complete with a tutu on her head.  She inspires me to do better.
Sometimes we Moms just get burned out with our kids.  When they do something that pushes our buttons our first response is usually one of anger and frustration.  But when faced with the same situation with someone else's children we often have more patience and creativity.  With our own children we can't seem to access those qualities in ourselves as easily.   Our children are like an enormous mirror that walks around all day in front of us except in this mirror we only see our worst parts. It is hard to be our best when faced with our worst!  With others children it just isn't personal and it can be so much easier.  This is no excuse to not try and do the same with our own kids. 

I can't lie and say today was perfect.  My buttons were still pushed when it took L a ridiculous amount of time to get out of the car and I didn't listen as well as I would have liked  but I was more aware of my behavior.  I often thought of my friend and her gifts as a Mother.  She has a wonderful way with children and is so great at talking to them, playing with them and making them feel important.  Come to think of it she makes everyone feel special.  I want my kids to feel like that all the time so I'm really trying emulate those qualities of hers that I love.  

Although I wasn't perfect, and I will never be nor do I want to be,  today I listened better, I played more and I had more fun.  I tried to be present with my kids, not take things personally and just have fun with them.  It went so well and more importantly felt so good.  Isn't it supposed to?  I think I'm going to do it again tomorrow!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Question

After every homeschooling parent has made the decision to homeschool their child the time comes when the inevitable happens.  You get the question.  "So?  What grade is your daughter/son in?".  This question may go directly to your child and, if you have a child like mine, you get shot a look with the I just ate a lemon face which is clearing telling you that you need to answer for them.  You then take a deep breathe and tell the person that you homeschool.  This statement can bring multiple responses.  Sometimes you get an excited, "good for you!" response. Sometimes you get an, "oh" and a confused stare.  Most times you just get more questions.  If you are in line at the grocery store talking to a perfect stranger the possibility for multiple questions is slim.  Other times you may find yourself seated next to someone  at a dinner and neither of you is going anywhere anytime soon.  This is when it can get interesting for any homeschooler.  I find that my method of homeschooling can bring on wider eyes and higher eyebrows than the more traditional school at home method.  I unschool.  I don't sit down with my kids every day and do school.  We go places and make things and just live a really full life. We take classes, read books and research topics we are interested in.   I googled  the definition of unschooling to give you a better idea of what it is and found this great quote by John Holt from his book "How Children Learn".   "Birds fly, fish swim, man thinks and learns. Therefore, we do not need to motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing or bullying. We do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make sure they are learning. What we need to do, and all we need to do, is bring as much of the world as we can into the school and classroom (in our case, into their lives); give children as much help and guidance as they ask for; listen respectfully when they feel like talking; and then get out of the way. We can trust them to do the rest."  You can imagine the questions that come after I explain what unschooling is.  You may have some of your own. 
Actually defending homeschooling or unschooling never really bothers me.  I am really secure in my decision and I know it is not for everyone.  What makes me feel uncomfortable is talking about it with parents who have their kids in public school.  I feel like they think I am judging them.  I truly do understand that every child and family is different and that most every parent is doing what they think is best for their child.  Hey! Some of my best friends have their kids in public school! :) When you are so passionate about a subject like I am about unschooling it is hard to not sound judgemental.  A lot of the reasons I homeschool is because I think the public schools are doing a really poor job at preparing our children for the future.  It is hard to bring up these reasons when you are talking to a parent whose kid is in public school.
The more I do this unschooling thing the more I love it.  Every time I see my children figure something out on their own and get so much joy out of doing so I know that the husband and I are absolutely doing the right thing for our kids.  I really feel that this way is better for most kids than public school.  I wish the school system would  incorporate more of what Mr Holt suggests. I hope that by answering peoples questions I encourage others to give unschooling a try or to at least start questioning our current method used in the public schools.  I wish all my encounters could go like the one I had today.
 This morning my car broke down and went into the shop for an unspecified amount of time so I needed to rent a car.  A nice young lady from the car rental company came and  picked me up. She couldn't have been over twenty-five.  We were making conversation and somehow got on the topic of kids being on vacation from school and I told her that we homeschooled.  She asked some more questions and then I told her about unschooling.  Turns out her sister is going to school currently and just recently told her that she'd like to start a place where kids could come and learn just by life experiences and choose what they want to study.  "That's unschooling!" I exclaimed.  I gave her John Holts name and some other information. She said many times she couldn't wait to talk to her sister and tell her about this unschooling thing.  She even expressed how she wished she could have been unschooled instead of sitting in a desk all day.   Loved this encounter,  She was so excited and intrigued by what I told her.  It seemed to give her a sense of power and new energy.  I know that feeling.  I had it when I realized that learning is not something you do at school. It is not the ability to memorize facts and pass a test.  Learning is living.  You can't do one without the other.
As I'm writing this I'm realizing that I don't dread the question as much as I used to and in fact I kind of like it.  I am excited about what we are doing and I am happy to share that excitement with others.   Feel free to ask your questions!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Dreaming of a Simple Life

I have a friend who posted to her Facebook today that she is going to 'opt out of a whole heck of a lot'.  She is simplifying her life so that she can read more, spend more time with her family and get things done that have been on her list for some time.   I need to ask her how she intends to do this exactly because I'm feeling the need to follow her lead.  I want a simpler life.  I'd settle for more hours in the day.
This week was a week of rushing.  We were rushing out of the house and then rushing back to the house and never finding a moment to breathe.  Home has not been a sanctuary this week.  Instead it has been a place of never ending laundry, toys to pick up, phone calls to make, dirty dishes and dinner that needs to get made.   I want my home to be a place where my family feels relaxed, safe and loved.  An oasis just for us.

 I do know people who have kids and manage to keep their house clean but they work until the wee hours of the morning to accomplish this.  By the way my favorite person who seems able to do this just threw in the dishtowel so to speak and hired herself a housekeeper every other week.  Even those who appear to have it all under control eventually give up!  Who wants to spend every spare minute cleaning.

The older my kids get the messier they get and the less they clean up.  Personally I'd rather clean up the mess then nag my kids to clean it up.  Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't and that is OK with me.  At some point when I think they are too old for me to be going through their stuff I'm just going to use the closed door method.  If their room is messy I will just close the door so I don't have to look at it.  Until then I figure if I'm cleaning then I get to throw stuff away.  Kids are amazing pack rats you know.  Every little piece of paper is precious.

You can't blame my lack of time on the homeschooling either.  I'm pretty sure that most Moms have this complaint. I've read an article today about a women who moved to Brazil with her family just so they could eat dinner together again.  With all the family activities they never were able to be at home at the same time.  They didn't even sound that over scheduled.  My Daughter takes ballet and it is at 5:30 at night.    That means she doesn't get home until 7:00. At least she only has one activity this late.  I can't imagine what it will be like when H starts having classes or sports in the evenings.  I'm going to be living in my car more than I am now.
Twice a week I have a Nanny come to help me out.  Those days are supposed to be the days that I get to do something for myself but they are usually filled with appointments, grocery shopping and other errands.  I fit one yoga class in on Wednesdays but then I rush home to shower and eat so I can pick up my daughter at Earthroots, an all day, outdoor, homeschooling class.  Then I rush home to make dinner.  All with my Nanny at home with H to spare him hours in the car.  I want some me time!  I want time to read books and call my friends.  I want time to work on my sewing. I want time to cook my family a wonderful and healthy meal!  But no, I have to pay some bills and call the vet to set up an appointment for the dogs yearly exam. For dinner I toss some rice in the cooker, steam some broccoli and open a can of beans.

Now if I could come home after running around all day to a clean house and  a nice dinner already prepared I think I'd be fine.  I hired an organizer once and that was magnificent.  I thought today that maybe I could just have her come once a year to give the house a tune up so to speak.  Better yet a personal assistant!   I can dream.

When did life get so busy?  Why is living simply so hard?

Tomorrow is the day we have NOTHING.  No where to go, no errands to run just hanging around the house.  I've promised L that we will pull out the sewing machine and I will help her sew the shirt she is making.  I'm sure H will need a go at it as well.   My goal is to keep the computer shut, focus on the kids in the morning, clean up and then designate an hour in the afternoon as privacy time.  That's what H calls it.  Hopefully I'll get at least 20 minutes.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Thank Goodness For Books

I'm on borrowed time tonight.  It is 9:45 and L just went to bed.  H just coughed in his room so he could be up any minute. I didn't blog as much as I would have liked last week but I've decided to take it easy on myself and only blog when I really have something to say.  All I can think about lately is how much I like books!

J, or as he is better know in this house, Daddy, was surfing yesterday morning so I took the kids to Barnes and Nobles to spend the gift cards they received over the holidays.     We arrive at the shopping center right at lunch time and against my better judgement went in to pick out books before eating.  After and hour and a half we finally had our books.  H had two Curious George books, I had a new nutrition book for myself and four books I had picked out for the kids.  L had a Scooby Doo book and an Ivy and Bean book.  L spent the entire hour and a half looking at the Scooby Doo and Barbie books which is why she only left with two.  I just think that it is so sad that in a place filled with amazing literature the most accessible and attractive sections are the ones with characters.  Forget Charlotte's Web or The Secret Garden or  The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Scooby Doo is  what is placed up front and center.  I figure she wants to read what she wants to read so that is why I made an agreement with the kids before we went in that they could get one character book. I just don't want to walk out of the store with fifty dollars in five dollar Barbie books.
We all could have stayed in their for hours reading and looking at books but hungry tummies pulled us away. We went over to the Whole Foods and had lunch.  I read to the kids after I was done eating and they were finishing up.  Even though I was reading Scooby Doo it was so nice to sit and read in the bright and sunny eating area of the store.  Sometimes just the act of reading, no matter where you read it or what book it is, brings a sense of peace and calmness.

Books have the ability to be a mom's ultimate secret weapon.  If the kids are whining, fighting or just too crazy I can suggest a book and soon a quiet mellow atmosphere will cloak the house. In fact  it is pretty much a guarantee that they will answer yes to the question "shall we read a book?" no matter where we are.  H requests a stack of five books every night before he goes to bed.  Mostly they are pretty good but I really struggle through Heavy Metal Mators Tall Tales and other movie or TV inspired truck books.  But I read them anyway complete with special voices for the characters.  I dreamed of reading L the Little House on the Prairie series but she shows no interest.  Science fiction and mystery are way more her style.  I find myself really enjoying them too!
We read all of the rest of the books we bought at Barnes and Nobles when we got home.  I think I read the Curious George books 4 times each yesterday and twice today.  Between getting J and I to read to her L managed to finish the Ivy and Bean book this afternoon.  H and L even requested the books I picked out for them multiple times     The passion they have for the new books is almost overwhelming!  Just for record I have only been asked to read Scooby Doo one more time.

The book I got myself at Barnes and Nobles I am having problems putting down.  It is a health and nutrition book, not a piece of amazing fiction, but it just happens to really speak to me right now.  I love having the kids see me picking it up any chance I get to sneak a paragraph or two in.  I love them seeing me as excited to read my book as they are to have me read one to them.

This weekend turned out to be a competition of books.  Daddy and I were constantly getting asked to read a book at the same time we were trying to read my new one.  This is problem that I will welcome any time.
When life gets to crazy it is good to know that all will be well curled up in Mommy and Daddy's bed with a stack of books, old or new, to entertain us, teach us, distract us, whatever we need them to do.  At some point too soon in the future L and H will not need me to read them books anymore.  This makes me sad to think about.  Hopefully I will find as much pleasure quietly reading along side them as I do reading to them.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Here's To Good Friends

Last night I was able to get out of the house for another craft night.  Or, if some of you have been reading past blogs, "craft night".  I was unable to get out of the house until 8:30 but went anyway as I hate to miss a chance to socialize with this particular group of women.  Little did I know I was to find out just how good of friends these women have become.
  Everyone was happily crafting and drinking wine.  About an hour after I had been there one women commented on my shirt.  "You really should wear a different shirt under that because it looks like you are just showing off your boobs."  This may not be the exact phrase but I think it captures the meaning and it was an blunt.  I was wearing what I now know is a flesh colored top with an orange sweater over the top.  The sweater has a cut out in the shape of flower petals right in the center over the prime cleavage area.   "Really?" I asked.  "Yes," said everyone at the table.

I believe I have owned this particular outfit for about 3 years now. I wear it exactly how it was displayed on the mannequin in the store.    I have gotten many compliments on it and have worn it quite frequently.  NEVER has anyone told me this.  I began to think back to all the times people commented on it and wondered if they just didn't say anything?!  It's like getting in the car after a wonderful evening and checking the mirror only to find a big piece of spinach in your teeth.  You then realize the last time you had spinach was 4 hours ago.

Who else but a good friend would tell me that I had spinach in my teeth or that I was walking around looking like I was trying to show off my boobs.

I truly don't know what I would do without my girlfriends.  I have dear ones that I have had since I was a teenager.  Ones that when they moved away, I sobbed uncontrollably and will still tear up now if I think about it too much.  I have friends that I met when my first baby was a baby and shared poop stories with.  I have a group of magical friends that I met through the preschool.  We share a common bond through our children but it became obvious rather quick that we would have become friends no matter how we met.

I need my girlfriends.   I've read articles where they state that it keeps us mentally and physically healthier, younger feeling and helps our marriages.  Mine definitely do all that and more.   As I get older it seems more and more difficult to make friends.  When I do it does seem that they turn out to be good friends.  Maybe I just know what I am looking for.  I do know that I am definitely looking for friends that will tell me if I have spinach in my teeth or if my boobs appear to be showing.