Mommy Guilt

I am extremely fortunate to have house cleaners and a nanny. My house cleaners come once a week to do the dirty work you might say and my Nanny comes a half day on Mondays and all day Wednesdays. Although I do try to take a yoga class here and there often times my Nanny time is filled with getting the to do list done. My house cleaners come bright and early Tuesday morning at 8AM. That means that all cleaning in preparation for the house CLEANERS needs to be done Monday night. Yes, anyone who has a house cleaner knows you have to clean before they come to clean. So today I ran some errands and cleaned my house while my amazing Nanny played with the kids and took them to gymnastics. Hmm. As much as I enjoy my break away from them I'm always a bit sad when I hear them having so much fun while I'm in the other room folding laundry. I feel guilty! Shouldn't I be enjoying the time I have to fold laundry uninterrupted by Mommy calls? Don't know but I always miss my kids. However if there was no Nanny entertaining my children I'd be a wreak wondering when I was going to get all this stuff done! I'd be cleaning right now instead of writing this blog. Why do I feel guilt?! Do I think I can do it all? Nope. Do I wish I could do it all? Yes. I wish that the supermom I've heard about lived and breathed in me. I do have Mom friends who seem to do it all. Most of them actually. They cook wholesome food, some home school their children , they have amazingly clean houses (how do you all do that?) and shuttle them to multiple activities just like I do. I'm still embarrassed that my Nanny takes the kids to gymnastics. I feel like the rich bitch Mom who is off getting her nails done and can't be bothered by gymnastics. But that's just how the schedule falls. You see, the reason we got help is because my wonderful husband is REALLY good at taking care of himself. I wish I could be as good as he is. I'm not kidding! He must attend yoga 2 nights a week to keep his sanity. The class takes place at 4:30 until 6 meaning he leaves at 4:15 and gets back at 6:30. Some of us refer to this time as the witching hour. The time when otherwise sweet, wonderful children turn into freaky, loud, unreasonable, crazy people. This is what makes Moms reach for mothers little helper, aka wine, at about 4pm. You can feel the wave coming. You've started dinner late, the kids are yelling, they are hungry and you may freak out, get in your car and drive off leaving them to fend for themselves at any minute. No, I'd never actually do that but I've felt like it sometimes. Anyway, that is why my husband and I agreed that a nanny on those two nights would be a good idea. And it is. I cook away or clean up the days, or couple of days, messes while my kids run around outside or play in their rooms with hardly any calls for Mommy. Again the guilt. I really could handle this if I wanted to, right? I mean I have before. The Nanny has gone on vacation before and I did a great job! But that was for only two weeks. My husband likes to know that he will come home to a happy wife. I like being happy. nuf said.

I don't think that guilt thing will ever go away for me. When I'm playing with my kids and my house is a mess I have a terrible time focusing on them. But when I'm cleaning my house and not playing with my kids I have a terrible time focusing on my house! This is the constant battle that I am always waging. I hope to someday find that balance. I'm guessing it will happen when the only butt I need to wipe is my own.