I am happily not a Tiger Mother

It's been in my face lately even though I don't watch TV much these days and so I can't resist making a comment here. The book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua has been a hot topic recently. If you are unfamiliar please google. I've heard her speak on NPR and I have read quite a few articles about her new book. I have not read the book nor do I plan to. I've got too many books I'd rather read. So many things have gone through my head while listening to her speak or reading about the book. Mostly all of them are the reasons I disagree with her. I think it really boils down to one thing with me. What I want more than anything for my children is for them to know who they are. I do not believe that will be accomplished with threats, yelling and the forcing of activities that I think are important. I do believe it will be accomplished by letting my children make their own mistakes and choosing their own paths even at the early ages of 3 and 6. I will use L's piano playing as an example because it is the example being used frequently from Chua's book.

We have a piano in our house. L played it all the time and she started asking for lessons at age 5. After a lot of asking we signed her up. She started taking lessons once a week for a half hour. I did not ask her to practice. Sometimes I'd ask her if she wanted to but I didn't push it. She seemed to practice enough in the beginning. Then it began to get harder for her. She still practiced but she preferred to play things that she felt comfortable with rather than working on pieces she had trouble with. Her teacher asked her to practice more which after I found myself pushing a bit more. I quit doing that when I realized that I was more worried about what her teacher thought then how L felt. After a couple of more lessons it was obvious that she wasn't enjoying it anymore. She didn't want to go and she didn't practice at all. I had always said that she could stop but she never took me up on it. One day I asked if she wanted to just take a break from the lessons and she quickly and with relief said yes. I don't think L liked the idea of quitting but taking a break was OK. Her teacher agreed that this was the best thing for her. She since sits down and plays with joy the songs she did learn. She also just experiments with her own music. I hope that if she finds joy in playing that she will again ask to take lessons. If she does I will know that she truly does want to play. If I had used the same method as the Tiger Mother I'm sure that she would be playing those hard pieces by now but for what? To please me? To avoid having all her stuffed animals burned? What would she have learned from that? That she can do anything if threatened enough? If L starts playing again and learns those songs she will have only herself to credit. Her own hard work and determination is all she needs. If she doesn't? Then maybe the piano is not for her. I am not worried that she will not amount to anything or never push herself. Human beings love learning. They just have learn what it is they love.