I read today what I thought was a great editorial piece. http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/03/21/o.embrace.crazy.chaotic.life/index.html
Then I read all the comments. I didn't know there were so many parent haters! I choose to have kids therefore I shouldn't complain? No kids = no stress? Deal with it and stop your whining?! Wow!
We returned from a crazy weekend away yesterday. My husband was at the NCAA basketball tournament with 11 of his friends and I took the kids up to visit my girlfriend and two kids whose husband had gone as well. It's an annual thing, I go there one year and the next she and the kids come here. It makes our husbands feel less guilty though she and I are waiting for the weekend they take care of the four kids for four days while we go off somewhere. We may have a long wait. We ate, drank, stayed out too late and spent a lot of money on babysitters. I'm pretty sure my husband did the same except for the babysitter part. Yesterday was our trip home. My husband and I had coordinated flights so that we landed 10 minutes apart thus allowing us to ride the 40 minutes home together. Lucky us it was the same day that a hurricane hit Los Angeles. Crazy winds, pounding rain and of course horrible road conditions. My husband was lucky and was only delayed fifteen minutes coming into the airport. The kids and I got to circle close by LAX for over an hour due to the weather. My kids were watching movies on their DVD players and I was sleeping so we were pretty much oblivious to this. My husband however had to wait at the airport with about a zillion other people for our flight.
By the time we land it is late afternoon. We load the luggage, the carseats and the kids into the car, in the driving rain and head home. We decide that stopping for food on the way home is a good idea because neither my husband nor I want to cook and the kids are hungrey NOW. They hadn't had anything to eat since lunch because I failed to notice that they had raided the snack portion of their backpacks at some point during the weekend and we had no food or drink service on the airplane due to turbulence.
We arrive at the restaurant in pretty good shape and manage to order food that the kids think they might like. My son decides he doesn't want anything, not even the applesause. He has hit the wall and, sorry if this is too much information, he has to poop. I was aware that this situation may have been brewing because on the descent into LAX he announced in a pretty load voice that he had to do so. After telling him that we'd land soon he also announced that he'd hold it. Of course after landing he claimed he didn't have to go anymore. The great part was that when he actually went he did so in the toilet of the restaurant instead of his pants. It really is the little things. After arriving home we somehow managed to unpack and get the kids ready for bed without anyone getting hurt and only minor parental arguing. This is actually a really big deal considering just how tired we all were.
Today was a painful reentry into our routine because our routine was pretty much nonexistant. The kids just wanted to stay at home this morning and then it poured rain again so we didn't go to the park. Instead went to the grocery store which can be, and was for me today, a moms personal hell. A little fresh air would have done them and me some good because by dinner time I was ready to hand them off to anyone that wanted to take them. I proadly managed to make it through the day however without losing my temper and even cooked a healthy dinner.
Yes, my life is crazy. Did I complain about my day? YES! It was my fault for taking the kids out of their routine but that is life and you deal with it. Should I have not had kids? I can say with confidence that I am a better person because I have kids. I don't say I love it because I have to I DO love it. It is hard but rarely do amazing, wonderful, life changing experiences come easily. Not every person should have children but it suprises me that they think those that do are idiots. Do people without children never whine? I'm pretty sure I've hear some do so. I'll take a public announcement of pooping, a crazy trip to the grocery store and out of thier head tired kids any day. It is all worth it when my 3 year old hugs me and tells me he thinks I'm "tuddiful". That is his code word for wonderful. To those parent haters I say thank god someone wants to be a parent. If not who'd have wiped their butt?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
I had a great Mommy day today. I cooked the kids breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry, made lunch for the park and had us all out the door in time for H's Playball class at 10am. We then spent the rest of the day at the park with many wonderful friends where the kids played for almost five hours and I enjoyed lots of adult conversation. When arriving home I unloaded the days supplies from the car, got both kids in the bath, cooked homemade minestrone, got the kids ready for bed and cleaned the kitchen all before my husband got home at 6:30. My husband and I got to sit and chat for twenty minutes while the kids played dinosaurs in L's bedroom. Twenty minutes!!! After that everyone participated in the new tradition of ten minutes of cleaning up together at the end of the day, the kids brushed teeth and I read them books. Both kids were asleep by 8:30. Whew!
My day today went so well mainly for one reason, my attitude. And the reason for my attitude is a visit to me by a dear friend this weekend. It was a visit just to simply spend time with me and my family. There was no rushing around or sightseeing or showing her things as she used to live here. The weather was cold and windy so we spent a lot of time inside or close to home. The kids love her and rightly so. They enjoyed multiple individual sessions of book reading, play time and cuddles.
Having a friend visit who is also a Mom and loves your kids almost as much as you do is a true blessing. She gave me a very special gift this weekend and she doesn't even know it. This weekend I got to see my kids through fresh eyes. I saw a different approach from someone who isn't burned out on reading Curious George and the Chocolate Factory and doesn't mind spending an hour with L preparing a dance performance to the song 'Chocolate Moose' complete with a tutu on her head. She inspires me to do better.
Sometimes we Moms just get burned out with our kids. When they do something that pushes our buttons our first response is usually one of anger and frustration. But when faced with the same situation with someone else's children we often have more patience and creativity. With our own children we can't seem to access those qualities in ourselves as easily. Our children are like an enormous mirror that walks around all day in front of us except in this mirror we only see our worst parts. It is hard to be our best when faced with our worst! With others children it just isn't personal and it can be so much easier. This is no excuse to not try and do the same with our own kids.
I can't lie and say today was perfect. My buttons were still pushed when it took L a ridiculous amount of time to get out of the car and I didn't listen as well as I would have liked but I was more aware of my behavior. I often thought of my friend and her gifts as a Mother. She has a wonderful way with children and is so great at talking to them, playing with them and making them feel important. Come to think of it she makes everyone feel special. I want my kids to feel like that all the time so I'm really trying emulate those qualities of hers that I love.
Although I wasn't perfect, and I will never be nor do I want to be, today I listened better, I played more and I had more fun. I tried to be present with my kids, not take things personally and just have fun with them. It went so well and more importantly felt so good. Isn't it supposed to? I think I'm going to do it again tomorrow!
My day today went so well mainly for one reason, my attitude. And the reason for my attitude is a visit to me by a dear friend this weekend. It was a visit just to simply spend time with me and my family. There was no rushing around or sightseeing or showing her things as she used to live here. The weather was cold and windy so we spent a lot of time inside or close to home. The kids love her and rightly so. They enjoyed multiple individual sessions of book reading, play time and cuddles.
Having a friend visit who is also a Mom and loves your kids almost as much as you do is a true blessing. She gave me a very special gift this weekend and she doesn't even know it. This weekend I got to see my kids through fresh eyes. I saw a different approach from someone who isn't burned out on reading Curious George and the Chocolate Factory and doesn't mind spending an hour with L preparing a dance performance to the song 'Chocolate Moose' complete with a tutu on her head. She inspires me to do better.
Sometimes we Moms just get burned out with our kids. When they do something that pushes our buttons our first response is usually one of anger and frustration. But when faced with the same situation with someone else's children we often have more patience and creativity. With our own children we can't seem to access those qualities in ourselves as easily. Our children are like an enormous mirror that walks around all day in front of us except in this mirror we only see our worst parts. It is hard to be our best when faced with our worst! With others children it just isn't personal and it can be so much easier. This is no excuse to not try and do the same with our own kids.
I can't lie and say today was perfect. My buttons were still pushed when it took L a ridiculous amount of time to get out of the car and I didn't listen as well as I would have liked but I was more aware of my behavior. I often thought of my friend and her gifts as a Mother. She has a wonderful way with children and is so great at talking to them, playing with them and making them feel important. Come to think of it she makes everyone feel special. I want my kids to feel like that all the time so I'm really trying emulate those qualities of hers that I love.
Although I wasn't perfect, and I will never be nor do I want to be, today I listened better, I played more and I had more fun. I tried to be present with my kids, not take things personally and just have fun with them. It went so well and more importantly felt so good. Isn't it supposed to? I think I'm going to do it again tomorrow!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Question
After every homeschooling parent has made the decision to homeschool their child the time comes when the inevitable happens. You get the question. "So? What grade is your daughter/son in?". This question may go directly to your child and, if you have a child like mine, you get shot a look with the I just ate a lemon face which is clearing telling you that you need to answer for them. You then take a deep breathe and tell the person that you homeschool. This statement can bring multiple responses. Sometimes you get an excited, "good for you!" response. Sometimes you get an, "oh" and a confused stare. Most times you just get more questions. If you are in line at the grocery store talking to a perfect stranger the possibility for multiple questions is slim. Other times you may find yourself seated next to someone at a dinner and neither of you is going anywhere anytime soon. This is when it can get interesting for any homeschooler. I find that my method of homeschooling can bring on wider eyes and higher eyebrows than the more traditional school at home method. I unschool. I don't sit down with my kids every day and do school. We go places and make things and just live a really full life. We take classes, read books and research topics we are interested in. I googled the definition of unschooling to give you a better idea of what it is and found this great quote by John Holt from his book "How Children Learn". "Birds fly, fish swim, man thinks and learns. Therefore, we do not need to motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing or bullying. We do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make sure they are learning. What we need to do, and all we need to do, is bring as much of the world as we can into the school and classroom (in our case, into their lives); give children as much help and guidance as they ask for; listen respectfully when they feel like talking; and then get out of the way. We can trust them to do the rest." You can imagine the questions that come after I explain what unschooling is. You may have some of your own.
Actually defending homeschooling or unschooling never really bothers me. I am really secure in my decision and I know it is not for everyone. What makes me feel uncomfortable is talking about it with parents who have their kids in public school. I feel like they think I am judging them. I truly do understand that every child and family is different and that most every parent is doing what they think is best for their child. Hey! Some of my best friends have their kids in public school! :) When you are so passionate about a subject like I am about unschooling it is hard to not sound judgemental. A lot of the reasons I homeschool is because I think the public schools are doing a really poor job at preparing our children for the future. It is hard to bring up these reasons when you are talking to a parent whose kid is in public school.
The more I do this unschooling thing the more I love it. Every time I see my children figure something out on their own and get so much joy out of doing so I know that the husband and I are absolutely doing the right thing for our kids. I really feel that this way is better for most kids than public school. I wish the school system would incorporate more of what Mr Holt suggests. I hope that by answering peoples questions I encourage others to give unschooling a try or to at least start questioning our current method used in the public schools. I wish all my encounters could go like the one I had today.
This morning my car broke down and went into the shop for an unspecified amount of time so I needed to rent a car. A nice young lady from the car rental company came and picked me up. She couldn't have been over twenty-five. We were making conversation and somehow got on the topic of kids being on vacation from school and I told her that we homeschooled. She asked some more questions and then I told her about unschooling. Turns out her sister is going to school currently and just recently told her that she'd like to start a place where kids could come and learn just by life experiences and choose what they want to study. "That's unschooling!" I exclaimed. I gave her John Holts name and some other information. She said many times she couldn't wait to talk to her sister and tell her about this unschooling thing. She even expressed how she wished she could have been unschooled instead of sitting in a desk all day. Loved this encounter, She was so excited and intrigued by what I told her. It seemed to give her a sense of power and new energy. I know that feeling. I had it when I realized that learning is not something you do at school. It is not the ability to memorize facts and pass a test. Learning is living. You can't do one without the other.
As I'm writing this I'm realizing that I don't dread the question as much as I used to and in fact I kind of like it. I am excited about what we are doing and I am happy to share that excitement with others. Feel free to ask your questions!
Actually defending homeschooling or unschooling never really bothers me. I am really secure in my decision and I know it is not for everyone. What makes me feel uncomfortable is talking about it with parents who have their kids in public school. I feel like they think I am judging them. I truly do understand that every child and family is different and that most every parent is doing what they think is best for their child. Hey! Some of my best friends have their kids in public school! :) When you are so passionate about a subject like I am about unschooling it is hard to not sound judgemental. A lot of the reasons I homeschool is because I think the public schools are doing a really poor job at preparing our children for the future. It is hard to bring up these reasons when you are talking to a parent whose kid is in public school.
The more I do this unschooling thing the more I love it. Every time I see my children figure something out on their own and get so much joy out of doing so I know that the husband and I are absolutely doing the right thing for our kids. I really feel that this way is better for most kids than public school. I wish the school system would incorporate more of what Mr Holt suggests. I hope that by answering peoples questions I encourage others to give unschooling a try or to at least start questioning our current method used in the public schools. I wish all my encounters could go like the one I had today.
This morning my car broke down and went into the shop for an unspecified amount of time so I needed to rent a car. A nice young lady from the car rental company came and picked me up. She couldn't have been over twenty-five. We were making conversation and somehow got on the topic of kids being on vacation from school and I told her that we homeschooled. She asked some more questions and then I told her about unschooling. Turns out her sister is going to school currently and just recently told her that she'd like to start a place where kids could come and learn just by life experiences and choose what they want to study. "That's unschooling!" I exclaimed. I gave her John Holts name and some other information. She said many times she couldn't wait to talk to her sister and tell her about this unschooling thing. She even expressed how she wished she could have been unschooled instead of sitting in a desk all day. Loved this encounter, She was so excited and intrigued by what I told her. It seemed to give her a sense of power and new energy. I know that feeling. I had it when I realized that learning is not something you do at school. It is not the ability to memorize facts and pass a test. Learning is living. You can't do one without the other.
As I'm writing this I'm realizing that I don't dread the question as much as I used to and in fact I kind of like it. I am excited about what we are doing and I am happy to share that excitement with others. Feel free to ask your questions!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Dreaming of a Simple Life
I have a friend who posted to her Facebook today that she is going to 'opt out of a whole heck of a lot'. She is simplifying her life so that she can read more, spend more time with her family and get things done that have been on her list for some time. I need to ask her how she intends to do this exactly because I'm feeling the need to follow her lead. I want a simpler life. I'd settle for more hours in the day.
This week was a week of rushing. We were rushing out of the house and then rushing back to the house and never finding a moment to breathe. Home has not been a sanctuary this week. Instead it has been a place of never ending laundry, toys to pick up, phone calls to make, dirty dishes and dinner that needs to get made. I want my home to be a place where my family feels relaxed, safe and loved. An oasis just for us.
I do know people who have kids and manage to keep their house clean but they work until the wee hours of the morning to accomplish this. By the way my favorite person who seems able to do this just threw in the dishtowel so to speak and hired herself a housekeeper every other week. Even those who appear to have it all under control eventually give up! Who wants to spend every spare minute cleaning.
The older my kids get the messier they get and the less they clean up. Personally I'd rather clean up the mess then nag my kids to clean it up. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't and that is OK with me. At some point when I think they are too old for me to be going through their stuff I'm just going to use the closed door method. If their room is messy I will just close the door so I don't have to look at it. Until then I figure if I'm cleaning then I get to throw stuff away. Kids are amazing pack rats you know. Every little piece of paper is precious.
You can't blame my lack of time on the homeschooling either. I'm pretty sure that most Moms have this complaint. I've read an article today about a women who moved to Brazil with her family just so they could eat dinner together again. With all the family activities they never were able to be at home at the same time. They didn't even sound that over scheduled. My Daughter takes ballet and it is at 5:30 at night. That means she doesn't get home until 7:00. At least she only has one activity this late. I can't imagine what it will be like when H starts having classes or sports in the evenings. I'm going to be living in my car more than I am now.
Twice a week I have a Nanny come to help me out. Those days are supposed to be the days that I get to do something for myself but they are usually filled with appointments, grocery shopping and other errands. I fit one yoga class in on Wednesdays but then I rush home to shower and eat so I can pick up my daughter at Earthroots, an all day, outdoor, homeschooling class. Then I rush home to make dinner. All with my Nanny at home with H to spare him hours in the car. I want some me time! I want time to read books and call my friends. I want time to work on my sewing. I want time to cook my family a wonderful and healthy meal! But no, I have to pay some bills and call the vet to set up an appointment for the dogs yearly exam. For dinner I toss some rice in the cooker, steam some broccoli and open a can of beans.
Now if I could come home after running around all day to a clean house and a nice dinner already prepared I think I'd be fine. I hired an organizer once and that was magnificent. I thought today that maybe I could just have her come once a year to give the house a tune up so to speak. Better yet a personal assistant! I can dream.
When did life get so busy? Why is living simply so hard?
Tomorrow is the day we have NOTHING. No where to go, no errands to run just hanging around the house. I've promised L that we will pull out the sewing machine and I will help her sew the shirt she is making. I'm sure H will need a go at it as well. My goal is to keep the computer shut, focus on the kids in the morning, clean up and then designate an hour in the afternoon as privacy time. That's what H calls it. Hopefully I'll get at least 20 minutes.
This week was a week of rushing. We were rushing out of the house and then rushing back to the house and never finding a moment to breathe. Home has not been a sanctuary this week. Instead it has been a place of never ending laundry, toys to pick up, phone calls to make, dirty dishes and dinner that needs to get made. I want my home to be a place where my family feels relaxed, safe and loved. An oasis just for us.
I do know people who have kids and manage to keep their house clean but they work until the wee hours of the morning to accomplish this. By the way my favorite person who seems able to do this just threw in the dishtowel so to speak and hired herself a housekeeper every other week. Even those who appear to have it all under control eventually give up! Who wants to spend every spare minute cleaning.
The older my kids get the messier they get and the less they clean up. Personally I'd rather clean up the mess then nag my kids to clean it up. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't and that is OK with me. At some point when I think they are too old for me to be going through their stuff I'm just going to use the closed door method. If their room is messy I will just close the door so I don't have to look at it. Until then I figure if I'm cleaning then I get to throw stuff away. Kids are amazing pack rats you know. Every little piece of paper is precious.
You can't blame my lack of time on the homeschooling either. I'm pretty sure that most Moms have this complaint. I've read an article today about a women who moved to Brazil with her family just so they could eat dinner together again. With all the family activities they never were able to be at home at the same time. They didn't even sound that over scheduled. My Daughter takes ballet and it is at 5:30 at night. That means she doesn't get home until 7:00. At least she only has one activity this late. I can't imagine what it will be like when H starts having classes or sports in the evenings. I'm going to be living in my car more than I am now.
Twice a week I have a Nanny come to help me out. Those days are supposed to be the days that I get to do something for myself but they are usually filled with appointments, grocery shopping and other errands. I fit one yoga class in on Wednesdays but then I rush home to shower and eat so I can pick up my daughter at Earthroots, an all day, outdoor, homeschooling class. Then I rush home to make dinner. All with my Nanny at home with H to spare him hours in the car. I want some me time! I want time to read books and call my friends. I want time to work on my sewing. I want time to cook my family a wonderful and healthy meal! But no, I have to pay some bills and call the vet to set up an appointment for the dogs yearly exam. For dinner I toss some rice in the cooker, steam some broccoli and open a can of beans.
Now if I could come home after running around all day to a clean house and a nice dinner already prepared I think I'd be fine. I hired an organizer once and that was magnificent. I thought today that maybe I could just have her come once a year to give the house a tune up so to speak. Better yet a personal assistant! I can dream.
When did life get so busy? Why is living simply so hard?
Tomorrow is the day we have NOTHING. No where to go, no errands to run just hanging around the house. I've promised L that we will pull out the sewing machine and I will help her sew the shirt she is making. I'm sure H will need a go at it as well. My goal is to keep the computer shut, focus on the kids in the morning, clean up and then designate an hour in the afternoon as privacy time. That's what H calls it. Hopefully I'll get at least 20 minutes.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Thank Goodness For Books
I'm on borrowed time tonight. It is 9:45 and L just went to bed. H just coughed in his room so he could be up any minute. I didn't blog as much as I would have liked last week but I've decided to take it easy on myself and only blog when I really have something to say. All I can think about lately is how much I like books!
J, or as he is better know in this house, Daddy, was surfing yesterday morning so I took the kids to Barnes and Nobles to spend the gift cards they received over the holidays. We arrive at the shopping center right at lunch time and against my better judgement went in to pick out books before eating. After and hour and a half we finally had our books. H had two Curious George books, I had a new nutrition book for myself and four books I had picked out for the kids. L had a Scooby Doo book and an Ivy and Bean book. L spent the entire hour and a half looking at the Scooby Doo and Barbie books which is why she only left with two. I just think that it is so sad that in a place filled with amazing literature the most accessible and attractive sections are the ones with characters. Forget Charlotte's Web or The Secret Garden or The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Scooby Doo is what is placed up front and center. I figure she wants to read what she wants to read so that is why I made an agreement with the kids before we went in that they could get one character book. I just don't want to walk out of the store with fifty dollars in five dollar Barbie books.
We all could have stayed in their for hours reading and looking at books but hungry tummies pulled us away. We went over to the Whole Foods and had lunch. I read to the kids after I was done eating and they were finishing up. Even though I was reading Scooby Doo it was so nice to sit and read in the bright and sunny eating area of the store. Sometimes just the act of reading, no matter where you read it or what book it is, brings a sense of peace and calmness.
Books have the ability to be a mom's ultimate secret weapon. If the kids are whining, fighting or just too crazy I can suggest a book and soon a quiet mellow atmosphere will cloak the house. In fact it is pretty much a guarantee that they will answer yes to the question "shall we read a book?" no matter where we are. H requests a stack of five books every night before he goes to bed. Mostly they are pretty good but I really struggle through Heavy Metal Mators Tall Tales and other movie or TV inspired truck books. But I read them anyway complete with special voices for the characters. I dreamed of reading L the Little House on the Prairie series but she shows no interest. Science fiction and mystery are way more her style. I find myself really enjoying them too!
We read all of the rest of the books we bought at Barnes and Nobles when we got home. I think I read the Curious George books 4 times each yesterday and twice today. Between getting J and I to read to her L managed to finish the Ivy and Bean book this afternoon. H and L even requested the books I picked out for them multiple times The passion they have for the new books is almost overwhelming! Just for record I have only been asked to read Scooby Doo one more time.
The book I got myself at Barnes and Nobles I am having problems putting down. It is a health and nutrition book, not a piece of amazing fiction, but it just happens to really speak to me right now. I love having the kids see me picking it up any chance I get to sneak a paragraph or two in. I love them seeing me as excited to read my book as they are to have me read one to them.
This weekend turned out to be a competition of books. Daddy and I were constantly getting asked to read a book at the same time we were trying to read my new one. This is problem that I will welcome any time.
When life gets to crazy it is good to know that all will be well curled up in Mommy and Daddy's bed with a stack of books, old or new, to entertain us, teach us, distract us, whatever we need them to do. At some point too soon in the future L and H will not need me to read them books anymore. This makes me sad to think about. Hopefully I will find as much pleasure quietly reading along side them as I do reading to them.
J, or as he is better know in this house, Daddy, was surfing yesterday morning so I took the kids to Barnes and Nobles to spend the gift cards they received over the holidays. We arrive at the shopping center right at lunch time and against my better judgement went in to pick out books before eating. After and hour and a half we finally had our books. H had two Curious George books, I had a new nutrition book for myself and four books I had picked out for the kids. L had a Scooby Doo book and an Ivy and Bean book. L spent the entire hour and a half looking at the Scooby Doo and Barbie books which is why she only left with two. I just think that it is so sad that in a place filled with amazing literature the most accessible and attractive sections are the ones with characters. Forget Charlotte's Web or The Secret Garden or The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Scooby Doo is what is placed up front and center. I figure she wants to read what she wants to read so that is why I made an agreement with the kids before we went in that they could get one character book. I just don't want to walk out of the store with fifty dollars in five dollar Barbie books.
We all could have stayed in their for hours reading and looking at books but hungry tummies pulled us away. We went over to the Whole Foods and had lunch. I read to the kids after I was done eating and they were finishing up. Even though I was reading Scooby Doo it was so nice to sit and read in the bright and sunny eating area of the store. Sometimes just the act of reading, no matter where you read it or what book it is, brings a sense of peace and calmness.
Books have the ability to be a mom's ultimate secret weapon. If the kids are whining, fighting or just too crazy I can suggest a book and soon a quiet mellow atmosphere will cloak the house. In fact it is pretty much a guarantee that they will answer yes to the question "shall we read a book?" no matter where we are. H requests a stack of five books every night before he goes to bed. Mostly they are pretty good but I really struggle through Heavy Metal Mators Tall Tales and other movie or TV inspired truck books. But I read them anyway complete with special voices for the characters. I dreamed of reading L the Little House on the Prairie series but she shows no interest. Science fiction and mystery are way more her style. I find myself really enjoying them too!
We read all of the rest of the books we bought at Barnes and Nobles when we got home. I think I read the Curious George books 4 times each yesterday and twice today. Between getting J and I to read to her L managed to finish the Ivy and Bean book this afternoon. H and L even requested the books I picked out for them multiple times The passion they have for the new books is almost overwhelming! Just for record I have only been asked to read Scooby Doo one more time.
The book I got myself at Barnes and Nobles I am having problems putting down. It is a health and nutrition book, not a piece of amazing fiction, but it just happens to really speak to me right now. I love having the kids see me picking it up any chance I get to sneak a paragraph or two in. I love them seeing me as excited to read my book as they are to have me read one to them.
This weekend turned out to be a competition of books. Daddy and I were constantly getting asked to read a book at the same time we were trying to read my new one. This is problem that I will welcome any time.
When life gets to crazy it is good to know that all will be well curled up in Mommy and Daddy's bed with a stack of books, old or new, to entertain us, teach us, distract us, whatever we need them to do. At some point too soon in the future L and H will not need me to read them books anymore. This makes me sad to think about. Hopefully I will find as much pleasure quietly reading along side them as I do reading to them.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Here's To Good Friends
Last night I was able to get out of the house for another craft night. Or, if some of you have been reading past blogs, "craft night". I was unable to get out of the house until 8:30 but went anyway as I hate to miss a chance to socialize with this particular group of women. Little did I know I was to find out just how good of friends these women have become.
Everyone was happily crafting and drinking wine. About an hour after I had been there one women commented on my shirt. "You really should wear a different shirt under that because it looks like you are just showing off your boobs." This may not be the exact phrase but I think it captures the meaning and it was an blunt. I was wearing what I now know is a flesh colored top with an orange sweater over the top. The sweater has a cut out in the shape of flower petals right in the center over the prime cleavage area. "Really?" I asked. "Yes," said everyone at the table.
I believe I have owned this particular outfit for about 3 years now. I wear it exactly how it was displayed on the mannequin in the store. I have gotten many compliments on it and have worn it quite frequently. NEVER has anyone told me this. I began to think back to all the times people commented on it and wondered if they just didn't say anything?! It's like getting in the car after a wonderful evening and checking the mirror only to find a big piece of spinach in your teeth. You then realize the last time you had spinach was 4 hours ago.
Who else but a good friend would tell me that I had spinach in my teeth or that I was walking around looking like I was trying to show off my boobs.
I truly don't know what I would do without my girlfriends. I have dear ones that I have had since I was a teenager. Ones that when they moved away, I sobbed uncontrollably and will still tear up now if I think about it too much. I have friends that I met when my first baby was a baby and shared poop stories with. I have a group of magical friends that I met through the preschool. We share a common bond through our children but it became obvious rather quick that we would have become friends no matter how we met.
I need my girlfriends. I've read articles where they state that it keeps us mentally and physically healthier, younger feeling and helps our marriages. Mine definitely do all that and more. As I get older it seems more and more difficult to make friends. When I do it does seem that they turn out to be good friends. Maybe I just know what I am looking for. I do know that I am definitely looking for friends that will tell me if I have spinach in my teeth or if my boobs appear to be showing.
Everyone was happily crafting and drinking wine. About an hour after I had been there one women commented on my shirt. "You really should wear a different shirt under that because it looks like you are just showing off your boobs." This may not be the exact phrase but I think it captures the meaning and it was an blunt. I was wearing what I now know is a flesh colored top with an orange sweater over the top. The sweater has a cut out in the shape of flower petals right in the center over the prime cleavage area. "Really?" I asked. "Yes," said everyone at the table.
I believe I have owned this particular outfit for about 3 years now. I wear it exactly how it was displayed on the mannequin in the store. I have gotten many compliments on it and have worn it quite frequently. NEVER has anyone told me this. I began to think back to all the times people commented on it and wondered if they just didn't say anything?! It's like getting in the car after a wonderful evening and checking the mirror only to find a big piece of spinach in your teeth. You then realize the last time you had spinach was 4 hours ago.
Who else but a good friend would tell me that I had spinach in my teeth or that I was walking around looking like I was trying to show off my boobs.
I truly don't know what I would do without my girlfriends. I have dear ones that I have had since I was a teenager. Ones that when they moved away, I sobbed uncontrollably and will still tear up now if I think about it too much. I have friends that I met when my first baby was a baby and shared poop stories with. I have a group of magical friends that I met through the preschool. We share a common bond through our children but it became obvious rather quick that we would have become friends no matter how we met.
I need my girlfriends. I've read articles where they state that it keeps us mentally and physically healthier, younger feeling and helps our marriages. Mine definitely do all that and more. As I get older it seems more and more difficult to make friends. When I do it does seem that they turn out to be good friends. Maybe I just know what I am looking for. I do know that I am definitely looking for friends that will tell me if I have spinach in my teeth or if my boobs appear to be showing.
Monday, January 31, 2011
My Kids Don't Sleep
At least it sometimes seems like it. Both of them stopped napping before they were three. Going to bed is a major process and event. I've given up using any one method and just try to use what works on any given night. Sometimes not much works.
Tonight I started putting H down at 7:00. He was deeply involved in some imaginative play and I disrupted it and made him get ready for bed. He brushed his teeth and then we read two books. After that I lay with him for no longer than ten minutes. Keep in mind this is in a toddler bed. After that I sat in the middle of the room until he went to sleep. I do this every night. I will not talk to him and if he gets out of bed I gently put him back. The only things I will do, if he asks, are cover him up and flip his pillow over. He seems to like the cold side of the pillow. After thinking he was asleep and then waiting a few more minutes, I ducked out and went to the bathroom. To greet me as I'm walking out of the bathroom is J, my husband, with H in his arms. Guess H wasn't asleep enough. Back to the room to sit in the middle of the floor. He fell asleep at 8:45.
I'm guessing that L is still up when I exit H's room and I am correct. She is doing some imaginary play in her room so I leave her for a bit. A few minutes later we negotiate ten more minutes of play including putting all the toys away. She is definitely ready for bed in ten minutes and has already put some toys away. She has also sorted some out for give aways and found some trash. FYI, this NEVER happens. Getting L to give something away or throw something away is about as tough as a really bad steak, well done. After the nightly ritual of what was the worst part of your day and the best part of your day and L's addition of the medium part of your day she went to sleep easily and peacefully at 9:25.
L and H seem to have some of the best parts of their day in the evening. They will be playing beautifully, caught up in an amazing fantasy and I have to go and disrupt it to get them to bed. I hate that. Part of me wants to just let them stay up as long as they want and figure out for themselves when they feel tired. The other part of me thinks that is crazy and that children need guidance as to when their bodies need a rest. I've tried both ways. I think it is really a night to night thing. Some nights, like tonight, L really regulated herself. She was ready to go to bed and welcomed my suggestion of it. H fought me on it and may have just really needed to play some more.
I have friends whose kids go to bed at 6:00 every night and they are older than mine. I also have friends whose kids go to bed at 11:00. I know adults who prefer to go to bed earlier and some who go to bed much later. We all seem to do OK. Is it possible that we are born with a natural rhythm unique to our own person? Is all this trying to get kids asleep a battle that we are fighting to hard to win? What if H and L knew they had a choice tonight regarding when they went to bed? After the novelty of that wore off I wonder if they would just go to bed when they were tired? Is that possibly why some of us can't sleep at night? Have we been conditioned to expect to not be able to go to sleep because we were forced to go to sleep before we were ready? So many questions!
Honestly, I think the main reason I want my children to go to bed is because I need some me time. The secondary reason is that it may be better for them. I am predicting that this will be an ongoing.....not battle, maybe negotiation. L may be ready to stay up later or just having control issues. H seems to still need more help than L. I do need to watch carefully for signs that he needs more wind down time. If he is caught up in fantasy play that may need to run its course before he goes to bed.
So, will relaxing the rules relax the kids?
Love to hear peoples thoughts on all of this.
Sweet Dreams!
Tonight I started putting H down at 7:00. He was deeply involved in some imaginative play and I disrupted it and made him get ready for bed. He brushed his teeth and then we read two books. After that I lay with him for no longer than ten minutes. Keep in mind this is in a toddler bed. After that I sat in the middle of the room until he went to sleep. I do this every night. I will not talk to him and if he gets out of bed I gently put him back. The only things I will do, if he asks, are cover him up and flip his pillow over. He seems to like the cold side of the pillow. After thinking he was asleep and then waiting a few more minutes, I ducked out and went to the bathroom. To greet me as I'm walking out of the bathroom is J, my husband, with H in his arms. Guess H wasn't asleep enough. Back to the room to sit in the middle of the floor. He fell asleep at 8:45.
I'm guessing that L is still up when I exit H's room and I am correct. She is doing some imaginary play in her room so I leave her for a bit. A few minutes later we negotiate ten more minutes of play including putting all the toys away. She is definitely ready for bed in ten minutes and has already put some toys away. She has also sorted some out for give aways and found some trash. FYI, this NEVER happens. Getting L to give something away or throw something away is about as tough as a really bad steak, well done. After the nightly ritual of what was the worst part of your day and the best part of your day and L's addition of the medium part of your day she went to sleep easily and peacefully at 9:25.
L and H seem to have some of the best parts of their day in the evening. They will be playing beautifully, caught up in an amazing fantasy and I have to go and disrupt it to get them to bed. I hate that. Part of me wants to just let them stay up as long as they want and figure out for themselves when they feel tired. The other part of me thinks that is crazy and that children need guidance as to when their bodies need a rest. I've tried both ways. I think it is really a night to night thing. Some nights, like tonight, L really regulated herself. She was ready to go to bed and welcomed my suggestion of it. H fought me on it and may have just really needed to play some more.
I have friends whose kids go to bed at 6:00 every night and they are older than mine. I also have friends whose kids go to bed at 11:00. I know adults who prefer to go to bed earlier and some who go to bed much later. We all seem to do OK. Is it possible that we are born with a natural rhythm unique to our own person? Is all this trying to get kids asleep a battle that we are fighting to hard to win? What if H and L knew they had a choice tonight regarding when they went to bed? After the novelty of that wore off I wonder if they would just go to bed when they were tired? Is that possibly why some of us can't sleep at night? Have we been conditioned to expect to not be able to go to sleep because we were forced to go to sleep before we were ready? So many questions!
Honestly, I think the main reason I want my children to go to bed is because I need some me time. The secondary reason is that it may be better for them. I am predicting that this will be an ongoing.....not battle, maybe negotiation. L may be ready to stay up later or just having control issues. H seems to still need more help than L. I do need to watch carefully for signs that he needs more wind down time. If he is caught up in fantasy play that may need to run its course before he goes to bed.
So, will relaxing the rules relax the kids?
Love to hear peoples thoughts on all of this.
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Back to Life
We are back at home after an amazing week in Missoula. We experienced fresh snow, ice, rain, sledding, skating, basketball, the symphony, bus rides, learning to crochet, good friends and very special time with family. The really amazing thing is that some of these things were firsts. It was their first basketball game, their first symphony, H's first bus ride, L's first time on ice skates and the first time they spent a good amount of time in the snow. We live in an urban area with tons of things to do but we didn't ever do any of those things before we went to Missoula.
The trip home was uneventful minus the meltdown L had in the airport gift shop because I wouldn't buy her an activity book. Never mind she had three in her backpack and had brought her crochet work with her which she just learned to do that day. The meltdown ended quickly when we rounded the corner to the the gate waiting area in the very small, quiet airport and she realized about one hundred people were starring at her. We found a spot to sit and she got busy crocheting. Amazing how a child can turn a tantrum on and off!
We arrived at LAX around 8:3o which is 9:30 Montana time. Neither of my kids slept. I really don't know how this is possible but they seem to be able to stay awake for ridiculously long periods of time. After gathering our bags and finding Daddy outside we settled in for the 40 min drive home. H fell asleep about fifteen minutes in and Lucy about twenty-five. She was busy crocheting before that.
We were able to put H right in bed with only a mutter of "cover me up Mama". Lucy awoke when we got home and went right to her room, turned on a book on CD and started crocheting her dolls necklaces. We were finally able to get her ready for bed by telling her she could listen to her book and crochet but she had to be in bed. I figured ten minutes and she'd be out. When I went to get ready for bed at 11:45 she was still up. I think she had crocheted about 3 necklaces and 2 bracelets done by that time.
Today we spent the day at home. H pulled out almost every toy he owns. I think he was taking inventory. L spent most of her time crocheting but did manage to pull herself away to eat and to play a bit with her brother. It is always bittersweet coming back home. L put it best in saying, "I really am going to miss Amma but I really want to see my friends!" It is great to be in our own beds and play with our own toys but we found ourselves missing Missoula. Especially when we heard that it is snowing and the wind is howling. That sounds pretty exciting to us!
Tomorrow we are back to our classes and our friends. It will be fun to tell them all of our adventures. Right now I'm going to try to clean up all the toys H pulled out so my husband doesn't trip over them in the morning. Then I hope to sit down and do a little crocheting.
side note -
I will be missing the editor that I had in Missoula. My words may not flow as smoothly and my grammar may not be as good as it has been this past week. Thank you Mom!
Special thanks to Cyndy at Loopy. She taught both L and I to crochet which was no small task. Check out the website for this beautiful store at http://www.loopyknitcrochet.com/.
The trip home was uneventful minus the meltdown L had in the airport gift shop because I wouldn't buy her an activity book. Never mind she had three in her backpack and had brought her crochet work with her which she just learned to do that day. The meltdown ended quickly when we rounded the corner to the the gate waiting area in the very small, quiet airport and she realized about one hundred people were starring at her. We found a spot to sit and she got busy crocheting. Amazing how a child can turn a tantrum on and off!
We arrived at LAX around 8:3o which is 9:30 Montana time. Neither of my kids slept. I really don't know how this is possible but they seem to be able to stay awake for ridiculously long periods of time. After gathering our bags and finding Daddy outside we settled in for the 40 min drive home. H fell asleep about fifteen minutes in and Lucy about twenty-five. She was busy crocheting before that.
We were able to put H right in bed with only a mutter of "cover me up Mama". Lucy awoke when we got home and went right to her room, turned on a book on CD and started crocheting her dolls necklaces. We were finally able to get her ready for bed by telling her she could listen to her book and crochet but she had to be in bed. I figured ten minutes and she'd be out. When I went to get ready for bed at 11:45 she was still up. I think she had crocheted about 3 necklaces and 2 bracelets done by that time.
Today we spent the day at home. H pulled out almost every toy he owns. I think he was taking inventory. L spent most of her time crocheting but did manage to pull herself away to eat and to play a bit with her brother. It is always bittersweet coming back home. L put it best in saying, "I really am going to miss Amma but I really want to see my friends!" It is great to be in our own beds and play with our own toys but we found ourselves missing Missoula. Especially when we heard that it is snowing and the wind is howling. That sounds pretty exciting to us!
Tomorrow we are back to our classes and our friends. It will be fun to tell them all of our adventures. Right now I'm going to try to clean up all the toys H pulled out so my husband doesn't trip over them in the morning. Then I hope to sit down and do a little crocheting.
side note -
I will be missing the editor that I had in Missoula. My words may not flow as smoothly and my grammar may not be as good as it has been this past week. Thank you Mom!
Special thanks to Cyndy at Loopy. She taught both L and I to crochet which was no small task. Check out the website for this beautiful store at http://www.loopyknitcrochet.com/.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
What noise?
Moms always seem to know when their kids are getting into trouble. Usually it is the silence that tips us off. If kids are being too quiet they are nine times out of ten getting into some sort of mischief or at least thinking about. Yes, there is definitely something special about a mom's ears.
When I hear an unattended infant cry it literally incapacitates me until someone takes care of him or her. If this infant is crying but is being lovingly cared for I can totally tune it out. I attend preschool board meetings and usually someone has a new baby. That baby will start to fuss at some point during the meeting and the mom will apologize. The consensus is usually the same, we love hearing the newborn noise when we know we don't have to be the one to worry about it. The noise our kids make when we are in a group is similar.
When a group of moms get together and the noise is reaching a level uncomfortable for most mere mortals a mom can easily ignore it and have a perfectly wonderful conversation unless the person the mom is talking do has no children present. If this is so the other person will start to look uncomfortable, shift around in their seat, look at you and any other mom like, "aren't you going to do anything about that?!"
Truthfully? We moms are just glad that our kid isn't asking us for anything. We are extremely focused on the adult conversation we are having at the moment hoping like hell no one starts to cry and in so doing risks breaking the spell that has been cast over the group of children. The "we don't know our parents are even in the room"spell. Basically we will let the noise get to the level where we have to yell over them and it is continuous before we say "OK, calm down everyone." Even then we exit as soon as possible from the situation, hoping the spell will be recast.
Tonight we went to dinner at my Mom's friends house. Her husband, daughter, son-in-law, two grandchildren and another friend were there. It was a festive atmosphere. The kids are all around the same age with the oldest and ring leader being my L at 6 years old and the youngest being a beautiful little girl, E, all of twenty-two months. They have all met at least once or twice before. My kids began to remember them as we pulled up to the house. We could see A, the 4 year old boy, running up and down the yard yelling "They're here! They're here! When we got inside his grandma told me that he had been asking every minute for the last ten minutes when we were going to get there. At first it was the usual bashfulness while everyone sized each other up, but it didn't take long at all for all the kids to become reacquainted. Things were pretty calm before dinner while my kids played with all the different toys and the other two tried to decide if that was okay. Then we had dinner or maybe we should call it the refueling. As the adults finished dinner a parade ensued with the younger crowd. L leading of course. Wire strainers on their heads, marching, yelling and my H blasting a single note from a recorder over and over and over and over. The youngest, E, bringing up the rear in startled amazement that this type of thing was actually happening. I could see my Mom getting a bit uncomfortable with all the noise but I was just glad they were entertained and everyone was able to talk above the noise so I didn't try to stop it. I knew it really got to her when she offered H a dollar to stop. He looked at her and without missing a beat said, "No". The other Mom and I laughed about the turn down of the dollar because we reserve that for emergency situations only but more so it was because we really didn't care about the noise at that point. We were just glad we could sit, drink a glass of wine and maybe listen to and partake in at least a piece of an adult conversation before we had to go home and put the kids to bed.
So if you are ever in the situation where some kids are being loud and their moms appear to be oblivious, try to be sympathetic. The moms most likely are refueling in their own way. Trying to grab a little bit of grown up time before they go back to being primarily a mommy. Or you could try offering the kids a buck. Good luck.
When I hear an unattended infant cry it literally incapacitates me until someone takes care of him or her. If this infant is crying but is being lovingly cared for I can totally tune it out. I attend preschool board meetings and usually someone has a new baby. That baby will start to fuss at some point during the meeting and the mom will apologize. The consensus is usually the same, we love hearing the newborn noise when we know we don't have to be the one to worry about it. The noise our kids make when we are in a group is similar.
When a group of moms get together and the noise is reaching a level uncomfortable for most mere mortals a mom can easily ignore it and have a perfectly wonderful conversation unless the person the mom is talking do has no children present. If this is so the other person will start to look uncomfortable, shift around in their seat, look at you and any other mom like, "aren't you going to do anything about that?!"
Truthfully? We moms are just glad that our kid isn't asking us for anything. We are extremely focused on the adult conversation we are having at the moment hoping like hell no one starts to cry and in so doing risks breaking the spell that has been cast over the group of children. The "we don't know our parents are even in the room"spell. Basically we will let the noise get to the level where we have to yell over them and it is continuous before we say "OK, calm down everyone." Even then we exit as soon as possible from the situation, hoping the spell will be recast.
Tonight we went to dinner at my Mom's friends house. Her husband, daughter, son-in-law, two grandchildren and another friend were there. It was a festive atmosphere. The kids are all around the same age with the oldest and ring leader being my L at 6 years old and the youngest being a beautiful little girl, E, all of twenty-two months. They have all met at least once or twice before. My kids began to remember them as we pulled up to the house. We could see A, the 4 year old boy, running up and down the yard yelling "They're here! They're here! When we got inside his grandma told me that he had been asking every minute for the last ten minutes when we were going to get there. At first it was the usual bashfulness while everyone sized each other up, but it didn't take long at all for all the kids to become reacquainted. Things were pretty calm before dinner while my kids played with all the different toys and the other two tried to decide if that was okay. Then we had dinner or maybe we should call it the refueling. As the adults finished dinner a parade ensued with the younger crowd. L leading of course. Wire strainers on their heads, marching, yelling and my H blasting a single note from a recorder over and over and over and over. The youngest, E, bringing up the rear in startled amazement that this type of thing was actually happening. I could see my Mom getting a bit uncomfortable with all the noise but I was just glad they were entertained and everyone was able to talk above the noise so I didn't try to stop it. I knew it really got to her when she offered H a dollar to stop. He looked at her and without missing a beat said, "No". The other Mom and I laughed about the turn down of the dollar because we reserve that for emergency situations only but more so it was because we really didn't care about the noise at that point. We were just glad we could sit, drink a glass of wine and maybe listen to and partake in at least a piece of an adult conversation before we had to go home and put the kids to bed.
So if you are ever in the situation where some kids are being loud and their moms appear to be oblivious, try to be sympathetic. The moms most likely are refueling in their own way. Trying to grab a little bit of grown up time before they go back to being primarily a mommy. Or you could try offering the kids a buck. Good luck.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
My Father as Pizza
One of my new years resolutions was to write this blog. Now tonight at 10:15 pm and my kids JUST getting to sleep I'm not really looking forward to it like I usually do. I have a lot to blog about too. I saw my Dad today for the first time in about four years. He met my son for the first time. I broke a sweat sledding with my daughter. I balanced two cups of coffee, on a pizza box, three blocks to my Mom's house, with two kids on the icy snow! I found myself walking on the snow-covered lawns instead of the sidewalk just to feel it under my feet and hear the noise it made against my shoes. I had a lovely kid-free meal with my Mom at an elegant restaurant.
Today was a good day and I just feel like relishing it.
But then all these thoughts are going to be in my head and it's best for me just to get them out. Let's talk about my Dad.
My parents divorced when I was 20 and it was not amicable. I think a lot of us have had this experience with our parents or at least know someone who has. It was no war of the roses but it wasn't fun for anyone. Divorce never is. He and I have had a relationship of some sort ever since but have never had a great one. I have really tried to maintain the relationship but at some point I just got tired of trying and that is partly why we have not seen each other. Don't get me wrong, if he calls we talk. If he'd come to see me I'd welcome him. These things just don't happen and we usually just text on holidays. It seems easier for both of us.
He hasn't been living here in my hometown for the last couple of years so when I heard he was back I let him know I was planning a visit. After being a mother for a few years I have realized that my children need the opportunity to have a positive relationship with my father regardless of my relationship with him.
We met at the children's museum, which I figured was a neutral location with less chance for awkward silence. It turned out to be a good choice. L was so excited to meet her Grandpa and if she was that meant H was too. After about a half hour I noticed L grab my dad's hand, a hand I hadn't held in a long time, and drag him off to an activity. His smile was so big and he gladly went along with her. I left them alone to get to know one another.
Then we went to lunch. We sat in a big booth at the pizza joint next door, me on one side of the booth with room for 3 more and my Dad sitting between L and H on the other side because they both wanted to sit next to him. L and H then discussed what they were going to call my Dad because no grandparent in their family is just called Grandpa or Grandma. The ideas earlier in the day were Pops or Poppop but lunch brought on the ideas of Noodles or Poodles and I think now they are now calling him Pizza. I don't think he really cares what they call him as long as they call him something.
We also got to tell him that we are homeschoolers. I was a bit nervous about this because he was a teacher, a principal and a superintendent. He looked over at me, smiled and said, "I think that is the best thing you could be doing." My happiness in hearing him say this caught me off guard. I guess in the end we all really do want our parents approval.
After lunch we walked my Dad to his truck. The truck really impressed H. We know this by the "whoa" he uttered at the realization that this truck was my Dad's. We stood at the curve and waved goodbye until he was down the street. The kids were happy. They love him already. They know none of the history and have none of the baggage and I'm glad for that. They just know his smile, his laugh and how he teases them. They just know they really like Pizza. I think they are helping me like Pizza again, too.
Today was a good day and I just feel like relishing it.
But then all these thoughts are going to be in my head and it's best for me just to get them out. Let's talk about my Dad.
My parents divorced when I was 20 and it was not amicable. I think a lot of us have had this experience with our parents or at least know someone who has. It was no war of the roses but it wasn't fun for anyone. Divorce never is. He and I have had a relationship of some sort ever since but have never had a great one. I have really tried to maintain the relationship but at some point I just got tired of trying and that is partly why we have not seen each other. Don't get me wrong, if he calls we talk. If he'd come to see me I'd welcome him. These things just don't happen and we usually just text on holidays. It seems easier for both of us.
He hasn't been living here in my hometown for the last couple of years so when I heard he was back I let him know I was planning a visit. After being a mother for a few years I have realized that my children need the opportunity to have a positive relationship with my father regardless of my relationship with him.
We met at the children's museum, which I figured was a neutral location with less chance for awkward silence. It turned out to be a good choice. L was so excited to meet her Grandpa and if she was that meant H was too. After about a half hour I noticed L grab my dad's hand, a hand I hadn't held in a long time, and drag him off to an activity. His smile was so big and he gladly went along with her. I left them alone to get to know one another.
Then we went to lunch. We sat in a big booth at the pizza joint next door, me on one side of the booth with room for 3 more and my Dad sitting between L and H on the other side because they both wanted to sit next to him. L and H then discussed what they were going to call my Dad because no grandparent in their family is just called Grandpa or Grandma. The ideas earlier in the day were Pops or Poppop but lunch brought on the ideas of Noodles or Poodles and I think now they are now calling him Pizza. I don't think he really cares what they call him as long as they call him something.
We also got to tell him that we are homeschoolers. I was a bit nervous about this because he was a teacher, a principal and a superintendent. He looked over at me, smiled and said, "I think that is the best thing you could be doing." My happiness in hearing him say this caught me off guard. I guess in the end we all really do want our parents approval.
After lunch we walked my Dad to his truck. The truck really impressed H. We know this by the "whoa" he uttered at the realization that this truck was my Dad's. We stood at the curve and waved goodbye until he was down the street. The kids were happy. They love him already. They know none of the history and have none of the baggage and I'm glad for that. They just know his smile, his laugh and how he teases them. They just know they really like Pizza. I think they are helping me like Pizza again, too.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Nobody Walks In LA
One thing I love about visiting my Mom is that we can walk everywhere. We did not get in the car even one time today. We walked to coffee, then to the bus stop and took the bus about 4 blocks to the university. We didn't have to take the bus but H really wanted to go on a bus and that is a big deal for a 3 year old! Then we walked to the art exhibit, the campus book store and then back to the bus stop for another 5 minute ride before we got off and walked home. From her house we can also walk to multiple parks, the children's museum, the river, an art museum and countless shops and restaurants. This is a far cry from my everyday life.
Back home I have to get in the car to drive everywhere. Loading kids in and out of a car adds about 20 minutes to each stop. L and H must take lots of treasures with them when we leave the house. My favorite is when L takes dolls that I also then have to strap in safely. Then she will want to get into the car on H's side and he has a freak out because he doesn't want her to. Then H's strap will be too tight so I have to go back and adjust or L will have accidentally locked her seat belt and I need to fix that. Then I will realize that I forgot my phone. When we are getting out of the car it is another production. L moves slower than molasses. She sits staring of into space while H and I are waiting on the outside of the car. She slowly rises from her seat, checks out some piece of paper she has spied on the floor, looks at a bug on the window, realizes she needs to put her shoes on and then s l o w l y gets out of the car. I try to keep her focused on the task at hand which is simply getting out of the car but this one act seems to be more than she can handle. All of that doesn't even include the minimum 20 minutes it takes for us to drive anywhere and we always seem to be in a rush.
Its not that I don't try to go on walks at home either. I do try. Often we have to bring a trike or a scooter and we always bring the dog. I think last time we got about a block away before H said he needed to stop and rest. No matter how far we go I'm always carrying a child, a trike and trying to manage the dog by time we are back home. Its just not the same as here. It feels so forced at home.
Here we enjoy the journey as much as the destination. We get so much fresh air and exercise without having to ever plan it into our day. There are always people to say hello to, neighbors to stop and chat with, hills to run down and creatures to inspect. Never do any of these things seem to slow us down like transitioning to and from the car does. Maybe we allow more time to get places because we are walking and so I'm not stressed out being late. Maybe it is the incredible beauty that surrounds us out here. Maybe it is the crisp mountain air. I guess it is most likely all of those things.
Tonight, after dinner, we checked outside to see if it was snowing and it was! The kids tossed on their boots and coats faster than I thought possible and ran outside. We made snow angels on the front lawn and WALKED down to the park to see what it was like to slide down a slide with snow on it. Turns out after the first time it is really fast! I had to talk them out of bringing the sleds down seeing it was 8:30 at night.
When we return it will be hard to get back into the car every day. I will miss the regular walks with the kids where we hold hands and run down the sidewalk just for fun on our way to the day's activities. I wish it was the same at home. Oh well, at home I don't have to worry about mittens, hats and scarves I guess.
To see how walkable your neighborhood is check out this cool site. My house gets 45 out of 100. My Mom's gets an 85! www.walkscore.com
Back home I have to get in the car to drive everywhere. Loading kids in and out of a car adds about 20 minutes to each stop. L and H must take lots of treasures with them when we leave the house. My favorite is when L takes dolls that I also then have to strap in safely. Then she will want to get into the car on H's side and he has a freak out because he doesn't want her to. Then H's strap will be too tight so I have to go back and adjust or L will have accidentally locked her seat belt and I need to fix that. Then I will realize that I forgot my phone. When we are getting out of the car it is another production. L moves slower than molasses. She sits staring of into space while H and I are waiting on the outside of the car. She slowly rises from her seat, checks out some piece of paper she has spied on the floor, looks at a bug on the window, realizes she needs to put her shoes on and then s l o w l y gets out of the car. I try to keep her focused on the task at hand which is simply getting out of the car but this one act seems to be more than she can handle. All of that doesn't even include the minimum 20 minutes it takes for us to drive anywhere and we always seem to be in a rush.
Its not that I don't try to go on walks at home either. I do try. Often we have to bring a trike or a scooter and we always bring the dog. I think last time we got about a block away before H said he needed to stop and rest. No matter how far we go I'm always carrying a child, a trike and trying to manage the dog by time we are back home. Its just not the same as here. It feels so forced at home.
Here we enjoy the journey as much as the destination. We get so much fresh air and exercise without having to ever plan it into our day. There are always people to say hello to, neighbors to stop and chat with, hills to run down and creatures to inspect. Never do any of these things seem to slow us down like transitioning to and from the car does. Maybe we allow more time to get places because we are walking and so I'm not stressed out being late. Maybe it is the incredible beauty that surrounds us out here. Maybe it is the crisp mountain air. I guess it is most likely all of those things.
Tonight, after dinner, we checked outside to see if it was snowing and it was! The kids tossed on their boots and coats faster than I thought possible and ran outside. We made snow angels on the front lawn and WALKED down to the park to see what it was like to slide down a slide with snow on it. Turns out after the first time it is really fast! I had to talk them out of bringing the sleds down seeing it was 8:30 at night.
When we return it will be hard to get back into the car every day. I will miss the regular walks with the kids where we hold hands and run down the sidewalk just for fun on our way to the day's activities. I wish it was the same at home. Oh well, at home I don't have to worry about mittens, hats and scarves I guess.
To see how walkable your neighborhood is check out this cool site. My house gets 45 out of 100. My Mom's gets an 85! www.walkscore.com
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Don't Mind Us, We're From Southern California.
Those of you from So Cal are familiar with this scene. You are at the beach on a cool day in your sweater and Ugg boots enjoying the sun and scene and then you see the crazy people out swimming in the ocean in their bikinis and trunks. "Tourists. Must be from the Midwest." Well, the last two days I've been a part of the group known as the crazy people.
I grew up in South Dakota and Montana. I've seen temperatures of 50 below with the windchill. After being in California for 17 years I believe I am fully acclimated to that lifestyle. I do remember the cold fondly. I remember when I finally threw away my car windshield scraper. It took me two years of living in California to be able to even part with it. My children have been in the snow twice. Once on a trip to Big Bear where we sledded in 58 degree temps and once in Reno the day we flew home. My son was too young to remember either of these. I may have been more excited then they were for this trip.
We boarded the plane with our snow coats and snow boots on in anticipation of the freezing cold we were expecting in Montana. People in the terminal who were from Montana and going home were in their flip flops. Five minutes into her movie on the plane L asked me if we were there yet and could I see any snow out the window. H kept looking out the window and saying in a voice with no volume control, "I think I see snow, Mom!" It was obvious to anyone around us that we were not returning home to Montana and we were not familiar with the snow. Then came the airport parking lot where my kids took off with shrieks of amazement to play in the frozen pile of dirt covered snow. It did not stop there. We decided to go to the college basketball game as soon as we got in and my Mom lives close enough so we can walk. I think my daughter covered twice as much distance as we did due to her up and down, back and forth, over any patch of snow or ice she encountered. We walked into the stadium in our full blizzard gear and began peeling off the layers and then carted all our gear up to our seats where my daughter got so hot she had to pull of the boots and socks. She would have taken off her shirt if I hadn't stopped her. I began noticing the other people in the arena were not as warmly dressed as us. Especially the women in the 4 inch heels but that's another story.
After bundling up for the return walk home we set off. It was cold so we weren't that overdressed but we were over excited. Every patch of snow was an amazing adventure. It took us three times as long to return to my Mom's place as it did to get to the game. The kids ran up and down the snow fields, purposely fell into the snow hundreds of times laughing and shrieking the entire way. A group of people walked by looking at us like "Wow! They are really enjoying the snow!" But not in the "isn't that cute" way. It was more in the "haven't they ever seen snow before" way. Yes, we are the crazy people.
Today we walked to the hardware store and bought two saucer sleds. While there my son found the display of car windshield scrapers and called out. "WHATS THIS?!?!". Yes, we're from out of town. We then walked back to the park near my Mom's to go sledding. There are patches of grass around the trees and the snow conditions were less than ideal but it was perfect for my kids who never see snow. I'm sure no self respecting Montana kid would have wasted their time with it. We had a blast. The total joy in their faces at every slide down is something I wish I could burn into my brain. People walked by laughing and smiling at them and our friends who were with us even said, "They are visiting from California".
In one person's face I saw something else. I saw a "Gosh, they are having fun, it just makes me happy to see them" look. The, "I love where I live." look. Makes me think that when I see those people swimming in the cold ocean next time I might not call them crazy.
I grew up in South Dakota and Montana. I've seen temperatures of 50 below with the windchill. After being in California for 17 years I believe I am fully acclimated to that lifestyle. I do remember the cold fondly. I remember when I finally threw away my car windshield scraper. It took me two years of living in California to be able to even part with it. My children have been in the snow twice. Once on a trip to Big Bear where we sledded in 58 degree temps and once in Reno the day we flew home. My son was too young to remember either of these. I may have been more excited then they were for this trip.
We boarded the plane with our snow coats and snow boots on in anticipation of the freezing cold we were expecting in Montana. People in the terminal who were from Montana and going home were in their flip flops. Five minutes into her movie on the plane L asked me if we were there yet and could I see any snow out the window. H kept looking out the window and saying in a voice with no volume control, "I think I see snow, Mom!" It was obvious to anyone around us that we were not returning home to Montana and we were not familiar with the snow. Then came the airport parking lot where my kids took off with shrieks of amazement to play in the frozen pile of dirt covered snow. It did not stop there. We decided to go to the college basketball game as soon as we got in and my Mom lives close enough so we can walk. I think my daughter covered twice as much distance as we did due to her up and down, back and forth, over any patch of snow or ice she encountered. We walked into the stadium in our full blizzard gear and began peeling off the layers and then carted all our gear up to our seats where my daughter got so hot she had to pull of the boots and socks. She would have taken off her shirt if I hadn't stopped her. I began noticing the other people in the arena were not as warmly dressed as us. Especially the women in the 4 inch heels but that's another story.
After bundling up for the return walk home we set off. It was cold so we weren't that overdressed but we were over excited. Every patch of snow was an amazing adventure. It took us three times as long to return to my Mom's place as it did to get to the game. The kids ran up and down the snow fields, purposely fell into the snow hundreds of times laughing and shrieking the entire way. A group of people walked by looking at us like "Wow! They are really enjoying the snow!" But not in the "isn't that cute" way. It was more in the "haven't they ever seen snow before" way. Yes, we are the crazy people.
Today we walked to the hardware store and bought two saucer sleds. While there my son found the display of car windshield scrapers and called out. "WHATS THIS?!?!". Yes, we're from out of town. We then walked back to the park near my Mom's to go sledding. There are patches of grass around the trees and the snow conditions were less than ideal but it was perfect for my kids who never see snow. I'm sure no self respecting Montana kid would have wasted their time with it. We had a blast. The total joy in their faces at every slide down is something I wish I could burn into my brain. People walked by laughing and smiling at them and our friends who were with us even said, "They are visiting from California".
In one person's face I saw something else. I saw a "Gosh, they are having fun, it just makes me happy to see them" look. The, "I love where I live." look. Makes me think that when I see those people swimming in the cold ocean next time I might not call them crazy.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"She's Shy"
"She's shy." This is the comment I would make when L was smaller and would hide her face in my leg whenever I tried to get her to say hi to someone. I wish I would have said nothing because now she uses the excuse, "I'm shy!", when she doesn't want to talk to people. Maybe she really is a bit shy but I feel like I allowed her to be that, accept it and not ask more of herself.
I didn't think twice about it at the time but then my mind was blown open at an in service at the wonderful little hippy preschool she attended. We put labels on our children so easily without any thought to what it might do to them. It is not intentional or malicious but when you stop to think about it....sheesh.
Good or bad labels can stay with a child for life and they can start to act out the labels even if it isn't who they really are. "I might as well not try and talk to this person because I'm shy."
We even put labels on ourselves. If you read my previous post you'll know that there was a time I did not consider myself too book smart. That conclusion was reached by various educational experiences that were not enjoyable. I ignored all the successful experiences of course because I had already labeled myself.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to label at all?
We so look forward to our baby's first step. We wonder when it will happen? Should it already have happened? Why is that baby walking and mine not? Maybe our anticipation of the next developmental step our child is going to take stresses us out so much that we have to label it. "He's an observer." "He is more verbal than active". We have a great need to figure them out and to know the person they are going to be. Thus the labels. I think this is fine to do actually because it helps us as parents feel better and worry less. Maybe. Then we make the big mistake. We say it out loud. In front of and even to our kids. Why!
Myself and countless others tell my son he is so cute. Because he is! He told me yesterday that he hates it when people, including me, call him cute. I guess I have not learned my lesson.
As parents I think one of the hardest things to do is to remember that our children our not our own, they are their own. They are their own person and may turn into something we do not recognize or expect or that we ever imagined they could become. We hope to have some input on their values but even that is not guaranteed. Being their protectors and knowing them so intimately we assume that we know all of them and what is best for them even though they are constantly reminding us that we don't always know!
My kids surprise me every day with comments and actions. I shouldn't be so surprised. We are still getting to know each other because every day they are still getting to know themselves.
I didn't think twice about it at the time but then my mind was blown open at an in service at the wonderful little hippy preschool she attended. We put labels on our children so easily without any thought to what it might do to them. It is not intentional or malicious but when you stop to think about it....sheesh.
Good or bad labels can stay with a child for life and they can start to act out the labels even if it isn't who they really are. "I might as well not try and talk to this person because I'm shy."
We even put labels on ourselves. If you read my previous post you'll know that there was a time I did not consider myself too book smart. That conclusion was reached by various educational experiences that were not enjoyable. I ignored all the successful experiences of course because I had already labeled myself.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to label at all?
We so look forward to our baby's first step. We wonder when it will happen? Should it already have happened? Why is that baby walking and mine not? Maybe our anticipation of the next developmental step our child is going to take stresses us out so much that we have to label it. "He's an observer." "He is more verbal than active". We have a great need to figure them out and to know the person they are going to be. Thus the labels. I think this is fine to do actually because it helps us as parents feel better and worry less. Maybe. Then we make the big mistake. We say it out loud. In front of and even to our kids. Why!
Myself and countless others tell my son he is so cute. Because he is! He told me yesterday that he hates it when people, including me, call him cute. I guess I have not learned my lesson.
As parents I think one of the hardest things to do is to remember that our children our not our own, they are their own. They are their own person and may turn into something we do not recognize or expect or that we ever imagined they could become. We hope to have some input on their values but even that is not guaranteed. Being their protectors and knowing them so intimately we assume that we know all of them and what is best for them even though they are constantly reminding us that we don't always know!
My kids surprise me every day with comments and actions. I shouldn't be so surprised. We are still getting to know each other because every day they are still getting to know themselves.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
How I Decided to Homeschool
I always said, "I can never homeschool, I'm not smart enough!" (I can't believe I ever said that) Then one day someone told me that my problem with my daughter was that she was really smart. "That is not surprising", this person said, "you are really smart too." Excuse me? I've never really thought of myself as smart. I was a high C to B average student. I was good at music, English and History but I flunked high school Algebra my freshman year. I could NOT learn French not matter how hard I tried. Maybe I just didn't want to learn French. Hmmmm.... Curious how I totally judge my smarts on my performance at school.
At the point I realized that maybe I was smarter than I thought the homeschooling seed had already been planted. I had been thinking about it but the realization that I WAS smart tipped me over to the dark side as I fondly call it. The homeschooling seed had been planted at the wonderful little coop preschool that my son currently attends. I heard about the coop style of school and went seeking one out. This one is the first one I saw and I fell in love. The wooden toys, the books, the organic snacks, the paints, the water play, the YARD! It was everything I was looking for that I didn't know I was looking for. The culture at this school changed my parenting style completely, but that is for another post. Some moms at this preschool were already homeschooling AND they were normal people. They were cool actually! They I learned about unschooling. Unschooling is basically a term used to describe the type of schooling that is not doing schooling at home. It is child led. You can learn from a text book or from a literature book of from your neighbor. I do not consider myself my child's teacher but their facilitator. More on unschooling is also for another post. Once I knew that I didn't HAVE to sit down with L every day and do lessons I felt liberated. For her and for me. I can't imagine her sitting in a desk all day being told what she was going to learn. I just couldn't and still can't see school as a place she'd be happy. For one thing she does not sit still. She is distracted easily when there is action around her. I can just hear a teacher having to tell her over and over to focus and to sit still. What a horrible way to spend a day! The year I could have put her in school was also the year of the budget cuts. Student to teacher ratio went from 15 -1 to 30 - 1. I have trouble with two kids sometimes but 30! Really! I then started reading everything I could find on homeschooling. My favorites were anything and everything by John Holt and also a great book called The Well-Adjusted Child The Social Benefits of Homeschooling. Socialization seems to always be the biggest concern when people question homeschooling and this book really put my mind at ease. It also didn't hurt that homeschooling is so counterculture. It totally appeals to my rebellious side. After convincing myself this was the right thing for my kids and the right thing for me I then had to convince my husband that it was the right thing for him. I imagined that this was going to be an enormous task. I read more books and then I started to strategically leave these homeschooling books laying around the house hoping he'd read one and then bring it up to me. No such luck. Then one day I said it. "So, I'm thinking of homeschooling L." I had my arguments ready and I braced for the coming confrontation. His response? "OK. We can give that a try." That was easy.
Since our journey began there have been ups and downs, doubts and worry, good days and bad days and incredibly amazing days. For us, deciding to homeschool was a great decision. Good thing I'm so smart.
At the point I realized that maybe I was smarter than I thought the homeschooling seed had already been planted. I had been thinking about it but the realization that I WAS smart tipped me over to the dark side as I fondly call it. The homeschooling seed had been planted at the wonderful little coop preschool that my son currently attends. I heard about the coop style of school and went seeking one out. This one is the first one I saw and I fell in love. The wooden toys, the books, the organic snacks, the paints, the water play, the YARD! It was everything I was looking for that I didn't know I was looking for. The culture at this school changed my parenting style completely, but that is for another post. Some moms at this preschool were already homeschooling AND they were normal people. They were cool actually! They I learned about unschooling. Unschooling is basically a term used to describe the type of schooling that is not doing schooling at home. It is child led. You can learn from a text book or from a literature book of from your neighbor. I do not consider myself my child's teacher but their facilitator. More on unschooling is also for another post. Once I knew that I didn't HAVE to sit down with L every day and do lessons I felt liberated. For her and for me. I can't imagine her sitting in a desk all day being told what she was going to learn. I just couldn't and still can't see school as a place she'd be happy. For one thing she does not sit still. She is distracted easily when there is action around her. I can just hear a teacher having to tell her over and over to focus and to sit still. What a horrible way to spend a day! The year I could have put her in school was also the year of the budget cuts. Student to teacher ratio went from 15 -1 to 30 - 1. I have trouble with two kids sometimes but 30! Really! I then started reading everything I could find on homeschooling. My favorites were anything and everything by John Holt and also a great book called The Well-Adjusted Child The Social Benefits of Homeschooling. Socialization seems to always be the biggest concern when people question homeschooling and this book really put my mind at ease. It also didn't hurt that homeschooling is so counterculture. It totally appeals to my rebellious side. After convincing myself this was the right thing for my kids and the right thing for me I then had to convince my husband that it was the right thing for him. I imagined that this was going to be an enormous task. I read more books and then I started to strategically leave these homeschooling books laying around the house hoping he'd read one and then bring it up to me. No such luck. Then one day I said it. "So, I'm thinking of homeschooling L." I had my arguments ready and I braced for the coming confrontation. His response? "OK. We can give that a try." That was easy.
Since our journey began there have been ups and downs, doubts and worry, good days and bad days and incredibly amazing days. For us, deciding to homeschool was a great decision. Good thing I'm so smart.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I am happily not a Tiger Mother
It's been in my face lately even though I don't watch TV much these days and so I can't resist making a comment here. The book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua has been a hot topic recently. If you are unfamiliar please google. I've heard her speak on NPR and I have read quite a few articles about her new book. I have not read the book nor do I plan to. I've got too many books I'd rather read. So many things have gone through my head while listening to her speak or reading about the book. Mostly all of them are the reasons I disagree with her. I think it really boils down to one thing with me. What I want more than anything for my children is for them to know who they are. I do not believe that will be accomplished with threats, yelling and the forcing of activities that I think are important. I do believe it will be accomplished by letting my children make their own mistakes and choosing their own paths even at the early ages of 3 and 6. I will use L's piano playing as an example because it is the example being used frequently from Chua's book.
We have a piano in our house. L played it all the time and she started asking for lessons at age 5. After a lot of asking we signed her up. She started taking lessons once a week for a half hour. I did not ask her to practice. Sometimes I'd ask her if she wanted to but I didn't push it. She seemed to practice enough in the beginning. Then it began to get harder for her. She still practiced but she preferred to play things that she felt comfortable with rather than working on pieces she had trouble with. Her teacher asked her to practice more which after I found myself pushing a bit more. I quit doing that when I realized that I was more worried about what her teacher thought then how L felt. After a couple of more lessons it was obvious that she wasn't enjoying it anymore. She didn't want to go and she didn't practice at all. I had always said that she could stop but she never took me up on it. One day I asked if she wanted to just take a break from the lessons and she quickly and with relief said yes. I don't think L liked the idea of quitting but taking a break was OK. Her teacher agreed that this was the best thing for her. She since sits down and plays with joy the songs she did learn. She also just experiments with her own music. I hope that if she finds joy in playing that she will again ask to take lessons. If she does I will know that she truly does want to play. If I had used the same method as the Tiger Mother I'm sure that she would be playing those hard pieces by now but for what? To please me? To avoid having all her stuffed animals burned? What would she have learned from that? That she can do anything if threatened enough? If L starts playing again and learns those songs she will have only herself to credit. Her own hard work and determination is all she needs. If she doesn't? Then maybe the piano is not for her. I am not worried that she will not amount to anything or never push herself. Human beings love learning. They just have learn what it is they love.
We have a piano in our house. L played it all the time and she started asking for lessons at age 5. After a lot of asking we signed her up. She started taking lessons once a week for a half hour. I did not ask her to practice. Sometimes I'd ask her if she wanted to but I didn't push it. She seemed to practice enough in the beginning. Then it began to get harder for her. She still practiced but she preferred to play things that she felt comfortable with rather than working on pieces she had trouble with. Her teacher asked her to practice more which after I found myself pushing a bit more. I quit doing that when I realized that I was more worried about what her teacher thought then how L felt. After a couple of more lessons it was obvious that she wasn't enjoying it anymore. She didn't want to go and she didn't practice at all. I had always said that she could stop but she never took me up on it. One day I asked if she wanted to just take a break from the lessons and she quickly and with relief said yes. I don't think L liked the idea of quitting but taking a break was OK. Her teacher agreed that this was the best thing for her. She since sits down and plays with joy the songs she did learn. She also just experiments with her own music. I hope that if she finds joy in playing that she will again ask to take lessons. If she does I will know that she truly does want to play. If I had used the same method as the Tiger Mother I'm sure that she would be playing those hard pieces by now but for what? To please me? To avoid having all her stuffed animals burned? What would she have learned from that? That she can do anything if threatened enough? If L starts playing again and learns those songs she will have only herself to credit. Her own hard work and determination is all she needs. If she doesn't? Then maybe the piano is not for her. I am not worried that she will not amount to anything or never push herself. Human beings love learning. They just have learn what it is they love.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Mommy Guilt
I am extremely fortunate to have house cleaners and a nanny. My house cleaners come once a week to do the dirty work you might say and my Nanny comes a half day on Mondays and all day Wednesdays. Although I do try to take a yoga class here and there often times my Nanny time is filled with getting the to do list done. My house cleaners come bright and early Tuesday morning at 8AM. That means that all cleaning in preparation for the house CLEANERS needs to be done Monday night. Yes, anyone who has a house cleaner knows you have to clean before they come to clean. So today I ran some errands and cleaned my house while my amazing Nanny played with the kids and took them to gymnastics. Hmm. As much as I enjoy my break away from them I'm always a bit sad when I hear them having so much fun while I'm in the other room folding laundry. I feel guilty! Shouldn't I be enjoying the time I have to fold laundry uninterrupted by Mommy calls? Don't know but I always miss my kids. However if there was no Nanny entertaining my children I'd be a wreak wondering when I was going to get all this stuff done! I'd be cleaning right now instead of writing this blog. Why do I feel guilt?! Do I think I can do it all? Nope. Do I wish I could do it all? Yes. I wish that the supermom I've heard about lived and breathed in me. I do have Mom friends who seem to do it all. Most of them actually. They cook wholesome food, some home school their children , they have amazingly clean houses (how do you all do that?) and shuttle them to multiple activities just like I do. I'm still embarrassed that my Nanny takes the kids to gymnastics. I feel like the rich bitch Mom who is off getting her nails done and can't be bothered by gymnastics. But that's just how the schedule falls. You see, the reason we got help is because my wonderful husband is REALLY good at taking care of himself. I wish I could be as good as he is. I'm not kidding! He must attend yoga 2 nights a week to keep his sanity. The class takes place at 4:30 until 6 meaning he leaves at 4:15 and gets back at 6:30. Some of us refer to this time as the witching hour. The time when otherwise sweet, wonderful children turn into freaky, loud, unreasonable, crazy people. This is what makes Moms reach for mothers little helper, aka wine, at about 4pm. You can feel the wave coming. You've started dinner late, the kids are yelling, they are hungry and you may freak out, get in your car and drive off leaving them to fend for themselves at any minute. No, I'd never actually do that but I've felt like it sometimes. Anyway, that is why my husband and I agreed that a nanny on those two nights would be a good idea. And it is. I cook away or clean up the days, or couple of days, messes while my kids run around outside or play in their rooms with hardly any calls for Mommy. Again the guilt. I really could handle this if I wanted to, right? I mean I have before. The Nanny has gone on vacation before and I did a great job! But that was for only two weeks. My husband likes to know that he will come home to a happy wife. I like being happy. nuf said.
I don't think that guilt thing will ever go away for me. When I'm playing with my kids and my house is a mess I have a terrible time focusing on them. But when I'm cleaning my house and not playing with my kids I have a terrible time focusing on my house! This is the constant battle that I am always waging. I hope to someday find that balance. I'm guessing it will happen when the only butt I need to wipe is my own.
I don't think that guilt thing will ever go away for me. When I'm playing with my kids and my house is a mess I have a terrible time focusing on them. But when I'm cleaning my house and not playing with my kids I have a terrible time focusing on my house! This is the constant battle that I am always waging. I hope to someday find that balance. I'm guessing it will happen when the only butt I need to wipe is my own.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sick days
I really think that it should be physically impossible for a mother to get sick. At least until the youngest child is 6 years old. It really is impossible to be a good parent when you feel like poo. The kids end up in pjs and diapers until noon or later and are lucky if they see any sort of real food besides cheese crackers and granola bars.
I felt it coming on Friday night. It was just a little itch in the throat and I didn't think much of it. Santa Ana winds most likely I figured. Then on Saturday there was no mistaking it. Either this was really bad allergies or I had a full blown cold Seeing as my nanny was sick and my daughter was complaining about a sore throat the odds were good that this was a cold. I made an emergency call to a friend for some homeopathic meds and pushed forward. We went to the beach Saturday morning so that was pretty easy. I put the kids in the bath when we got home, ate some lunch and then laid down on the bed every chance I got. Which means whenever the kids had involved themselves in some task and weren't calling for me or weren't threatening to do bodily harm to the other. I think I got about 30 seconds each time.
Saturday night was date night and although all I wanted to do was to crawl under the covers, sip hot tea and watch a movie I also had not had a moment alone with my husband in over a week so again I pushed forward. Getting dressed up helped a bit and also knowing I didn't have to do the bedtime routine that night. Why is it we can't wait to get the kids into bed at night but we also don't want to do the steps to get them there? If we could just jump right to books it would be so much easier.
Anyway, off to sushi we went. We got a great seat at the sushi bar and ordered the happy hour special. A Kirin and hot sake. Ahhhh. Hot sake was just what the doctor ordered! I felt so much better after a sip! I felt way better after 2 glasses! Sick? Who's sick?! Oh man. Look out for the mom away from her kids for the evening. Luckily I didn't overdo it, drank tons of water and woke up this morning just feeling like I still had a cold. I got through the morning and then my wonderful husband took the kids to the park and after a quick call to a friend I took an amazing nap. I wish I could do this every day! Feeling better now but not 100% . Off to bed now so I can get to bed early. Which means before midnight!
I felt it coming on Friday night. It was just a little itch in the throat and I didn't think much of it. Santa Ana winds most likely I figured. Then on Saturday there was no mistaking it. Either this was really bad allergies or I had a full blown cold Seeing as my nanny was sick and my daughter was complaining about a sore throat the odds were good that this was a cold. I made an emergency call to a friend for some homeopathic meds and pushed forward. We went to the beach Saturday morning so that was pretty easy. I put the kids in the bath when we got home, ate some lunch and then laid down on the bed every chance I got. Which means whenever the kids had involved themselves in some task and weren't calling for me or weren't threatening to do bodily harm to the other. I think I got about 30 seconds each time.
Saturday night was date night and although all I wanted to do was to crawl under the covers, sip hot tea and watch a movie I also had not had a moment alone with my husband in over a week so again I pushed forward. Getting dressed up helped a bit and also knowing I didn't have to do the bedtime routine that night. Why is it we can't wait to get the kids into bed at night but we also don't want to do the steps to get them there? If we could just jump right to books it would be so much easier.
Anyway, off to sushi we went. We got a great seat at the sushi bar and ordered the happy hour special. A Kirin and hot sake. Ahhhh. Hot sake was just what the doctor ordered! I felt so much better after a sip! I felt way better after 2 glasses! Sick? Who's sick?! Oh man. Look out for the mom away from her kids for the evening. Luckily I didn't overdo it, drank tons of water and woke up this morning just feeling like I still had a cold. I got through the morning and then my wonderful husband took the kids to the park and after a quick call to a friend I took an amazing nap. I wish I could do this every day! Feeling better now but not 100% . Off to bed now so I can get to bed early. Which means before midnight!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Finding my inner craftiness
Tonight I actually got to leave the house for the evening before the kids went to bed (thanks honey) and go over to a friends house for crafting night with some of my favorite people. I usually refer to it as "crafting" night because some times there is not much crafting going on just a lot of laughing and a little wine drinking. I was not a crafter when this get together first started. I joked that my craft was drinking wine. I have always wanted to create and make things however and became inspired enough to actually give it a try after seeing all the lovely things my friends were creating. How hard could it be?
First I became really good at buying craft books. One does need inspiration, right? I had about 4 books and a couple of magazines before I made anything. I also became pretty good at buying all the supplies that I will need to make the craft and in fact always bought extra fabric or felt or whatever it was I needed, just in case. I started with a bag and it actually went pretty well but I haven't yet finished it. I think I started it 2 to 3 years ago. I then made a baby kimono which didn't turn out too badly considering it was the first piece of clothing I'd ever made. I will not be giving it to anyone however as it is unwearable. I then decided I was going to make something for the preschool craft fair 3 short weeks before it was to happen. I choose a felt table runner. I had seen it somewhere and it looked pretty easy. That was Christmas 2009 and the unfinished table runner is still in my closet. I also have enough felt to make two of them. I decided I needed help so I signed up for a sewing class and actually finished a project! I made a tote bag that I actually use I'm happy to say. Then I made four baby head kerchiefs/bibs for this years craft fair. Someone bought them and I am just hoping they they don't get returned. Then a friend taught me to silkscreen and I did that on some store bought dish towels and made a bunch for Holiday gifts. I am now working on a dress for my daughter made out of her dads old shirt and I also am needle felting a bit. In a couple of weeks I'm going to learn how to crochet. So crafting is taking off a bit for me. The reason is that I'm learning not to be scared to make a mistake! After that realization I'm much more relaxed about it. My goal is just to finish projects. What a great lesson for everything in life. Don't be afraid to make a mistake.
The fantastic group of women that I have these "crafting" nights with are now talking of starting a swap. I better step up my game because I don't think I'll be able to swap a dish towel for a beautifully crocheted neck cowl.
First I became really good at buying craft books. One does need inspiration, right? I had about 4 books and a couple of magazines before I made anything. I also became pretty good at buying all the supplies that I will need to make the craft and in fact always bought extra fabric or felt or whatever it was I needed, just in case. I started with a bag and it actually went pretty well but I haven't yet finished it. I think I started it 2 to 3 years ago. I then made a baby kimono which didn't turn out too badly considering it was the first piece of clothing I'd ever made. I will not be giving it to anyone however as it is unwearable. I then decided I was going to make something for the preschool craft fair 3 short weeks before it was to happen. I choose a felt table runner. I had seen it somewhere and it looked pretty easy. That was Christmas 2009 and the unfinished table runner is still in my closet. I also have enough felt to make two of them. I decided I needed help so I signed up for a sewing class and actually finished a project! I made a tote bag that I actually use I'm happy to say. Then I made four baby head kerchiefs/bibs for this years craft fair. Someone bought them and I am just hoping they they don't get returned. Then a friend taught me to silkscreen and I did that on some store bought dish towels and made a bunch for Holiday gifts. I am now working on a dress for my daughter made out of her dads old shirt and I also am needle felting a bit. In a couple of weeks I'm going to learn how to crochet. So crafting is taking off a bit for me. The reason is that I'm learning not to be scared to make a mistake! After that realization I'm much more relaxed about it. My goal is just to finish projects. What a great lesson for everything in life. Don't be afraid to make a mistake.
The fantastic group of women that I have these "crafting" nights with are now talking of starting a swap. I better step up my game because I don't think I'll be able to swap a dish towel for a beautifully crocheted neck cowl.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wild Wednesdays
Wednesdays are long. For me anyway. They start out at 7am when I get up, feed the dog and let her out, make breakfast, pack L's lunch for her day at Earthroots Field School, feed H, get L up, get myself dressed, go back and tell L to get up again, grab some coffee, eat some food, go see if L is dressed yet. She is not, ask her again to get dressed, pack her backpack, help H go to the bathroom, check on L to find her half dressed on her bed looking in the mirror. Someone please tell me the secret to getting kids out of the door on time. She loves Earthroots! Always says it is her favorite part of the day but getting her there! Sheesh! You'd think we were going to a doctors appointment to get shots! Oh my daughter. She is a smart, beautiful girl and she so lives in the moment. As do most kids, no? I wish I could do this like she can. However, if the entire world lived in the moment like she does nothing would ever get done!
Then our wonderful nanny G gets here and I can now fully focus on getting L out the door which doesn't happen without one "I don't want to go!" Her rain boots are still a little damp from last week and we have meltdown. I convince her it is the best option and finally by 8:20 I'm in the car with L and her breakfast, 10 min later than I hoped but still thinking we'll actually be on time for once. I should have known better.
Earthroots is an amazing outdoor school. L takes a homeschool class once a week for 6-10 year olds from 9am - 2pm. Every week they meet at a different outdoor location and learn something really cool like how to get tannic acid out of acorns. Or some kind of nut, can't remember. Today they learned about animal tracks. They hiked at a wildlife sanctuary and spent some time at the nature center. Every class they take time to write in their journals. An aspect I really love. A lot of kids today don't get the opportunity to spend a lot of time in nature, learn how amazing it is and really fall in love with it. I am so glad that Lucy is getting this opportunity. I wish there was a class like this when I was young!
Anyway, the only drawback to this class is that it is at least a 40 min drive for us each way. Today it was an hour which meant 4 hours in the car. At least I could listen to NPR on the radio when Lucy wasn't in the car. So, the being on time thing went out the window at 8:40 AM. L didn't go to the bathroom before we left and so we had to stop at the Starbucks to use the bathroom. I can't just go in and use the bathroom because I feel guilty so I stood in line to buy something first. 20 minutes later we were on our way. We were 20 minutes late to class. So how is it that young children have bladders of steel! I don't know about you but I have to pee first thing when i get up in the morning. L has gone hours in the morning before peeing. I just don't get that! Anyway, after all that driving it meant that I had time to put dinner in the crock pot, make 2 phone calls, see the chiropractor, shop for groceries and take L to ballet at 5:30. Wednesdays are long days for L too.
After I got everyone to bed I sorted a pile of junk in the guest room so I could put it out for donation on the curb tomorrow and now here I am on the couch typing up my day.
I better get off to bed before my husband wakes up and and see me up late again. Another Wednesday under the belt. Only about 20 more of these to go before summer.
Then our wonderful nanny G gets here and I can now fully focus on getting L out the door which doesn't happen without one "I don't want to go!" Her rain boots are still a little damp from last week and we have meltdown. I convince her it is the best option and finally by 8:20 I'm in the car with L and her breakfast, 10 min later than I hoped but still thinking we'll actually be on time for once. I should have known better.
Earthroots is an amazing outdoor school. L takes a homeschool class once a week for 6-10 year olds from 9am - 2pm. Every week they meet at a different outdoor location and learn something really cool like how to get tannic acid out of acorns. Or some kind of nut, can't remember. Today they learned about animal tracks. They hiked at a wildlife sanctuary and spent some time at the nature center. Every class they take time to write in their journals. An aspect I really love. A lot of kids today don't get the opportunity to spend a lot of time in nature, learn how amazing it is and really fall in love with it. I am so glad that Lucy is getting this opportunity. I wish there was a class like this when I was young!
Anyway, the only drawback to this class is that it is at least a 40 min drive for us each way. Today it was an hour which meant 4 hours in the car. At least I could listen to NPR on the radio when Lucy wasn't in the car. So, the being on time thing went out the window at 8:40 AM. L didn't go to the bathroom before we left and so we had to stop at the Starbucks to use the bathroom. I can't just go in and use the bathroom because I feel guilty so I stood in line to buy something first. 20 minutes later we were on our way. We were 20 minutes late to class. So how is it that young children have bladders of steel! I don't know about you but I have to pee first thing when i get up in the morning. L has gone hours in the morning before peeing. I just don't get that! Anyway, after all that driving it meant that I had time to put dinner in the crock pot, make 2 phone calls, see the chiropractor, shop for groceries and take L to ballet at 5:30. Wednesdays are long days for L too.
After I got everyone to bed I sorted a pile of junk in the guest room so I could put it out for donation on the curb tomorrow and now here I am on the couch typing up my day.
I better get off to bed before my husband wakes up and and see me up late again. Another Wednesday under the belt. Only about 20 more of these to go before summer.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Let me introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste.
Ok - that is not me. After putting this off for I don't' know how long I've quit making excuses and I'm doing it. I'm blogging about my experience. My experience of being a homeschooling, stay at home, sorta hippy, live music loving, Mom to two kids. I've been hearing lately, being the last year, you should do a blog. You should do a blog about homeschooling. You should do a blog about the way you parent. You should, you should, you should. I'm not good with that. I have so many ideas and intentions but I am, excuse me, I used to be, such a procrastinator. I say I used to be because I believe in the law of attraction so if I keep saying I am I will be and I don't want to be so I can't. Got it?
I've been scripting these blog posts in my head for some time now. I sit in front of the TV with my glass of wine at 10:30 at night completely exhausted but not going to be because I just want to enjoy this mellow alone time without kids literallyscripting in my head what I want to be writing in my blog. For some reason tonight I went and grabbed the computer. My empty glass of wine is next to me, it is 11:53 and Jay Leno is on the TV although I'm not paying attention. Maybe it was the sappy episode of parenthood that motivated me or maybe I just need to think about things a REALLY LONG time before actually doing them. I don't know. I do know that I have a lot to say because I run a different script every night in my head. I don't know if anyone out there will find this helpful but I like getting this off my chest although I haven't written a diary of sorts for years I know it is good for me.
My husband just wandered out of the bedroom and told my to go to bed. "This is why your so tired!" Yea, I know. I just get that burst of energy late! Which is why I should go to bed at 10 but when your 3 year old doesn't go to bed until 8:45 you don't even realize it is late until you look at the clock at 10:45 and go shit, I should go to bed. But you don't because it just feels so good to just sit on the couch and be without anyone saying mommy, i need this or that!
Of course my husband had to interrupt my first entry.
Don't get me wrong I love him! He rocks! But he can totally call me out and I hate it when he is right! My theory is that I'm going through some kind of change/metamorphosis right now. Bigger and better things are coming and I'm in transition. Sounds good, no?
So I guess I was going to introduce myself so I should do that.
I'm 40. Just turned. This was a big deal to me. My celebration was AMAZING. I am feeling better than ever. I have people in my life that I adore and that I love being around and knowing.
I am a Mom. My kids are L, a girl who is 6 and H, a boy who is 3. They have changed everything about me. I am who I am because I have them.
I am a wife. My husband J, is 42. I met him in Alaska at the age of 24 last call at a bar. It amazes me somedays how perfect we are together. He is the one for me and I am a lucky women. And he is a lucky man. :)
I stay at home and I homeschool my kids. My youngest does go to preschool but only because it is a total hippy preschool and the school is the only reason I started homeschooling in the first place. Other than that I pretty much unschool both of my kids. I'll get more into what unschooling is later if I need to. Lets just say for now that we are very child led and we have a lot of fun.
As for the title of this blog. This is just what came to me tonight when setting this up but I think it fits. One of my favorite quotes I've heard is "the last time you know everything there is to raising kids is right before you have them". Nothing can prepare you! For that matter nothing can prepare you for what it will do to your marriage or your friendships. No one can explain it to you. I realized over time that most of my frustration lies in the fact that I have no idea what I am doing.
And now I must end this first post because my sweet daughter has had an accident so I'm going to take care of her and get her back to bed. By this time there is a great posibility that my son will be up looking for me or I will fall asleep in L's bed so I probably won't get back to this tonight and I really want to publish it. So, talk to you tomorrow!
Ok - that is not me. After putting this off for I don't' know how long I've quit making excuses and I'm doing it. I'm blogging about my experience. My experience of being a homeschooling, stay at home, sorta hippy, live music loving, Mom to two kids. I've been hearing lately, being the last year, you should do a blog. You should do a blog about homeschooling. You should do a blog about the way you parent. You should, you should, you should. I'm not good with that. I have so many ideas and intentions but I am, excuse me, I used to be, such a procrastinator. I say I used to be because I believe in the law of attraction so if I keep saying I am I will be and I don't want to be so I can't. Got it?
I've been scripting these blog posts in my head for some time now. I sit in front of the TV with my glass of wine at 10:30 at night completely exhausted but not going to be because I just want to enjoy this mellow alone time without kids literallyscripting in my head what I want to be writing in my blog. For some reason tonight I went and grabbed the computer. My empty glass of wine is next to me, it is 11:53 and Jay Leno is on the TV although I'm not paying attention. Maybe it was the sappy episode of parenthood that motivated me or maybe I just need to think about things a REALLY LONG time before actually doing them. I don't know. I do know that I have a lot to say because I run a different script every night in my head. I don't know if anyone out there will find this helpful but I like getting this off my chest although I haven't written a diary of sorts for years I know it is good for me.
My husband just wandered out of the bedroom and told my to go to bed. "This is why your so tired!" Yea, I know. I just get that burst of energy late! Which is why I should go to bed at 10 but when your 3 year old doesn't go to bed until 8:45 you don't even realize it is late until you look at the clock at 10:45 and go shit, I should go to bed. But you don't because it just feels so good to just sit on the couch and be without anyone saying mommy, i need this or that!
Of course my husband had to interrupt my first entry.
Don't get me wrong I love him! He rocks! But he can totally call me out and I hate it when he is right! My theory is that I'm going through some kind of change/metamorphosis right now. Bigger and better things are coming and I'm in transition. Sounds good, no?
So I guess I was going to introduce myself so I should do that.
I'm 40. Just turned. This was a big deal to me. My celebration was AMAZING. I am feeling better than ever. I have people in my life that I adore and that I love being around and knowing.
I am a Mom. My kids are L, a girl who is 6 and H, a boy who is 3. They have changed everything about me. I am who I am because I have them.
I am a wife. My husband J, is 42. I met him in Alaska at the age of 24 last call at a bar. It amazes me somedays how perfect we are together. He is the one for me and I am a lucky women. And he is a lucky man. :)
I stay at home and I homeschool my kids. My youngest does go to preschool but only because it is a total hippy preschool and the school is the only reason I started homeschooling in the first place. Other than that I pretty much unschool both of my kids. I'll get more into what unschooling is later if I need to. Lets just say for now that we are very child led and we have a lot of fun.
As for the title of this blog. This is just what came to me tonight when setting this up but I think it fits. One of my favorite quotes I've heard is "the last time you know everything there is to raising kids is right before you have them". Nothing can prepare you! For that matter nothing can prepare you for what it will do to your marriage or your friendships. No one can explain it to you. I realized over time that most of my frustration lies in the fact that I have no idea what I am doing.
And now I must end this first post because my sweet daughter has had an accident so I'm going to take care of her and get her back to bed. By this time there is a great posibility that my son will be up looking for me or I will fall asleep in L's bed so I probably won't get back to this tonight and I really want to publish it. So, talk to you tomorrow!
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